Honesty Entering 2015

What is a blog if it isn't honest? I think a lot of us bloggers set up an account, brag about our outfits or latest beauty products, share bits of our materialistic lives and gush about how fabulous and glitzy we can be (I'm just generalizing here by the way. There are many of you that I absolutely love to keep up to date with that have actual interesting things to say!) 

Well, it's a new year in 1 day and 11 hours and I have something to admit. I haven't been honest with any of you.

You see... 2014 was a pretty shitty year for me for lack of better words. In fact, they are the perfect words - because it was shitty. Yet here I was trying to coax you into trying some silly horse shampoo or publishing a post about buying a pair of bad quality shoes every month to show to you like it really even mattered?! 

There were a small collection of 'real' posts I suppose - although I never really gave too much away. For example, there was the time back in June when my best friend in the world left and I wrote THIS.

Then there was a nice little slice of positive words to myself HERE shortly after that. 

I even posted a video clip back in August where I was in tears after being mucked around by yet another smelly git of a man... watch that NOW.  

I think the idea of posting real life struggles and perils is such a great idea in the blog world because we all have them but we try so hard to blanket them with all this bullshit. 

So here, in short, is a small summary of what REALLY happened in 

2014.... 

It was my first year as an Auntie. 

Jenson Charles Preston Wright was born on the 26th December 2013. 

Being an Auntie is incredible. It's a love like no other and this little guy has stolen my heart. 

I got a tattoo of cherry blossoms on my foot to symbolize mortality when my dad was given three days to live. 

I got my first novel, Walk With Me, published and it sold like hot cakes. The experience of publishing it was incredible but hard as hell. It did give me so much inspiration to complete my second novel entitled, The Other Woman, though. 

I had my first freelance journalist gig - which was a HUGE milestone in my career as a writer. It was for a site called Bored.com and it was about unique ways to wrap up your Christmas presents. 

As a writer, you can't help but feel so incredibly stoked when you see your own work published! So to see not only my first novel but also my first article published in 2014, that was pretty damn cool. 

You can check the article out HERE. 

I've been battling with living back at home with my folks - who although try to deny it, are big lovers of getting absolutely pickled every night in front of the television. 

I don't know how life could ever end up like that... sitting on the couch, slowly passing out from too much alcohol while watching mindless junk on the TV. 

I'm scared of that happening to me..... and I am willing to do just about anything to prevent it. 

I get angry and grumpy with them and become a terror of a person. I bitch and moan and shout at them... me... their daughter... the one they used to rock to sleep at night and sing lullabies to. 

I get so churned up inside seeing them like that. 

If it was once a week, on a weekend... then why not? But it is every single bloody night. But as hard as I try to tell them they have a problem... they just don't stop. 

I don't know if they ever will. 

But I still love them both... dearly.

As for friends..... well... to be honest with you it's been a pretty lonely year. 

I've never been great at making friends. 

Back in high school I was the biggest freak show and nerd you could get... of course it affects you. 

I have a few wonderful close friends like Lucien and Ashley... but the others seem to come and go. 

A lot of the time I make great friends but then they move to a new town or to a different country and slowly we lose contact. It's how it works I suppose.... but I have been needing to find a 'group,' if you will..... 

It sucks so much to see all these photographs on Facebook of girls nights and barbecues, going out and having FUN. 

I have them too - at the end of every month I show you photo's of me enjoying my evenings with people.... but do those people really care or know me? Not really.... not if I'm honest.

I miss having friends - friends that keep in touch and check in on how you are. Friends who make the effort and go the extra mile to let you know they are there for you. 

I don't have many of them left anymore.

Surfing? There hasn't really been much of that. I have probably done it a handful of times this year - and actually, as I write this, I am struggling away with some seriously stiff muscles from a couple of hours in the water on Sunday. I caught about three good waves but I definitely need to pick it back up again if I have any hope of surfing Indonesia in 7 months time!!! 

That's the OTHER thing... those of you who follow me regularly (thanks for that by the way!) will obviously know how passionate I am about travel. 

There was non of that in 2014.... barring a few little jets to the cities in South Africa, which I'm not really sure counts... but at least I was on a plane. 

There's something about being way up there in the sky.... and it's not just the fact that the altitude makes drinking wine just that much more fun! No... it's knowing that when you touch ground again it will be some place else....

I get SERIOUS cabin fever. 

I'm a nomad... a gypsy... or as my mother likes to call me, a bit of a waif and a stop-out............... (thanks mum). 

I go bat-shit crazy without experiencing the joys of a new country and culture. 

I could have traveled, hell, I've saved up enough! But I'm saving up so that next year can be my travel year... I have big plans and slowly but surely they are all coming into fruition. That's the only thing keeping me sane right now... knowing soon, I'll be somewhere else on the map, with a rucksack on my back and a passport in my hand. 

Now here's the real deep one....

I slit my wrist. Yip. Now there's some honesty for you. 

I had an absolute breakdown - went on anti-depressants and started suffering from major anxiety. 

Why did I do it? There are many reasons. 

Depression is a hard pill to swallow on top of the CiLift or whatever happy drug you're taking to help you out.

I think more often than not, we are so afraid to show who we really are... to show our weaknesses and fall-backs because we are petrified of judgement. 

But you know what??? Judge me if you want to. I don't care anymore. 

I got weak and I fell. I'm left with a stupid scar across my left wrist from something I did because I was ashamed with myself. Why???

Because I nearly killed someone. 

I got involved with a married man - fell in love with him, adored him, almost bloody worshiped him.... and he loved me back. At least I think he did. But then his wife found out and she didn't take it well. Who can blame her??? It's the worst thing I have ever done - to have continued something like that.
I should probably clarify that I didn't actually KNOW he was married until I was already to deep in into the doomed hole.... I really didn't. If I had, things would have ended up VERY differently. 

She slashed her wrists... badly. It wasn't just a plea for attention, but a genuine suicide attempt - and when he told me about it, it gave me such a fright. 

I was devastated. How could I have done that to someone??? And so I wanted to feel that pain. Somehow I thought that if I punished myself I could make it better. I fell back into a depression so deep and hurtful that I was experimenting with drugs and harming myself so much.... not letting anyone in to help. No one even really knew what I was doing.
One of the reasons I finally moved back home to my folks, was because I was having a problem with drugs. I told my folks everything. What I'd thought was just fun experimental teenage shit actually got really ugly......... and I made the huge decision to come clean to them.... and for AGES I had done so well at cleaning myself up... but after this happened.... I fell down again. 

Falling into this black abyss of depression and self-loathing very nearly killed me. 

I tried to apologize - I tried to make amends. But how can you ever really do that? How does someone ever forgive you for that? And how do you forgive yourself???

That weight has been resting heavily on my shoulders all throughout 2014 and I don't know when it will go away - or if it ever will. 

That story is what my book, The Other Woman is based on. 

Have you ever done anything so awful that you don't know if you could ever forgive yourself? If so... how did you overcome it? 

And lastly - I started dating the handsome bearded fellow... Sam. 

I think what is different about us is that I actually finally stopped caring. That sounds like the most unromantic thing I've ever said but let me explain....

Throughout my life, I have been with over a handful of absolute knob-heads... which in no way means I am any kind of a Saint... but from drug-addicts to beaters, manipulators and cheaters, even obsessive and possessive. Throw a couple of crazies in there and you've spelled out my life story! I can tick them all off. So eventually, I just felt like my heart had been so destroyed that I genuinely couldn't love again. 

I tried. 

I had one or two absolute GEMS that I tried DESPERATELY hard to love. It wasn't them. It was me.... as cliche as that sounds. I just couldn't open my heart - though I tried so hard it seemed like I did love them. I tricked myself and I tricked them into thinking I was in love. As evil as that sounds, I really didn't mean it to be. 

So when Sam came around I was literally done. 

Over. 

Ca-put with love. 

We went out a few times... both of us fresh out of relationships and feeling a bit lost... and he reawakened a certain spark in me that had been missing for so long. 

He challenged me. He wasn't over-the-top romantic or nauseatingly mushy. He was real... strong and manly.. yet so incredibly gentle. The definition of a big teddy bear (OK... Maybe more of a grizzly bear)... but he's my bear. 

It was the first time I entered into something with all my cards on the table. I told him EVERYTHING... and by everything, I mean everything. What did I have to lose anyway???? And Sam accepted it. He chose to love me with all of my flaws and imperfections.. the real ones. The ones that we try to hide away from even those that are closest to us. 

Have I found the guy I am meant to spend the rest of my life with?

Who knows - I'm not claiming to know the future. 

But I am happy - and I make him happy - and together we are growing and learning and being... as we should be. 

It's as simple as that.  

So that was pretty much my year. 

Not all it seemed to be cracked up to be from so many of my showy posts, was it??? 

We all have things behind the scenes. 

It's called real life... and I think we need to start facing it. 

Stop hiding it.

It's almost as bad as photogshopped models. They DO have stretch marks and cellulite and a bit of a wobble.... but people edit themselves so much... it's such a lie. 

This is life... now stop editing yours and worrying about being judged. 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter... and those who matter don't mind!" - Dr Seuss. 

See you all in the New Year.

Peace, love and harmony to all.... and to all, a goodnight. 

I Dig You

It’s the small things that count.

A tiny romantic gesture goes a long way, especially if it is so heart-meltingly adorable.

When I received an image of this:

I don’t think I stopped saying, ‘Awwwwwwwwwwwww,’ or smiling like a goof-ball for over 24 hours – and yes, they are just jelly babies on a plate spelling out, “I Dig You,” but to me, that is actually one of the sweetest and most amazing things anyone has ever done for me. 

He opened a packet of jelly babies and instead of scoffing them all (which he probably did afterwards to be fair,) he thought of me, wrote me a note and snapped a photo to send to me. It made me feel so incredibly special and happy - blush.

It is SO important to make someone feel special and do the littlest of things to let them know you care.

What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you???

Ian and Nikki

Now, I'm not normally one for gossip... I actually can't even remember the last time I picked up a magazine and checked out what was happening in the world of Hollywood (seriously, I'm so far behind and to be honest, I couldn't care less!). 

But - I think that the majority of the female species have had their hearts crushed recently: 

Our much loved Ian Somerhalder, the disgustingly attractive bad boy from Vampire Diaries, has gone and found himself a new girlfriend after the recent split with co-star, Nina Dobrev. 

Seems like my Saturday night perf-fest, Ian, has a type! And that suits me just fine. Let's hear it for all the tanned, brunette's of the world! 

There's definitely an uncanny resemblance between old queen B and new, Nikki Reed on the scene.
Dark hair, bronzed skin, chocolate eyes...: 

But seriously, who even really cares whose dating who in Hollywood anyway??? It isn't interesting at all! Whatever you see on the television isn't actually real! At the end of the day, these people are just normal souls too and they deserve to date whom they choose, when they choose- and they deserve to be left alone.

I wish them the very best and a happy future together - and I'm sure Nina won't have a problem moving on either. 

But... just for the record. I for one think Nikki is a far better actress than Nina! Ooops,,,,, did I really just say that? 

As for me? I barely felt a sting from this new blossoming relationship between two Hollywood stars because I am far too busy being smitten with somebody else right now. 

Yip. 

That's right. 

So long Saturday night perv-fests accompanied by wine and Pringles as I drool hopelessly over Ian Somerhalder. 

This old girls gone and found herself a match of her own! It's early days... so I don't want to jinx anything just yet but what's important to know is that I'm happy - and not just because of my own blossoming love life. Generally I just feel happier and better about everything lately.

I appear to have found the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. 

A Case of You | Movie Review

I know this is cliche, but I kind of love movies based on quirky girls with pixie hair-cuts and a vintage fettish. 

I also adore movies based on writers, considering I am one and all.

I've also never been disappointed by anything starring Evan Rachel Wood - so for me, this movie was a must see. It seemed to be the complete package - and you know what, it didn't disappoint. 

Sam (Justin Long), spends his days writing novels in a local Brooklyn coffee shop and falls for a quirky barista called Birdie (Evan Rachel Wood). 

She doesn't seem to notice him so when all else fails, he reverts to her Facebook page and scopes out all of her interests, transforming himself into what he'd like to believe is her 'Dream Man.' From French cuisine, judo and strumming on a guitar - Sam does everything to win her heart.

When Birdie does fall for Sam's ploy, he must now keep up the tiring façade to keep her. 

The situation is both drastically sad for him but also fabulous, as he manages to gain inspiration for a new book from his time with her. He writes a memoir of their time together and I for one think that it was really a very special film.

Wood and Long have an undeniable on-set chemistry that is so likable and easy to watch. The concept is great and it focuses on a lot of current society-driven issues. Love, not being good enough, trying to be good enough... you name it - and to top it all off, it's done with the perfect sprinkle of humor.

I wouldn't go as far as to say this movie WOW-ed me silly - but it was good. 

There's also a few appearances of the much love Vince Vaughn who plays Sam's crude and appalling publisher. 

Peter Dinklage (from Game of Thrones) makes a brilliantly creepy role as Birdie's gay co-worker too which had me in fits of laughter.

 Have you seen any good movies lately? 

I'd love some recommendations.

Steak in a Stunning Spicy Marinade

This is one of my all time favorite meals.

Ingredients you will need to make this dish (Serves 4):

1. Four Potatoes 
2. Milk
3. Two Spring Onions
4. A packet of rocket
5. A packet of portobellini mushrooms
6. A bottle of red tobasco
7. Worcestershire Sauce
8. Balsamic Reduction
9. Balsamic Vinegar
10. 1/2 cup of brown sugar
11. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
12. 1 Red Onion
13. 4 - 6 Garlic Cloves
14. 2 Table Spoons of Ketchup
15. Ground Black Pepper
16. Salt
17. One Tablespoon of Horseradish
18. Steak!

Firstly, peel and half your potatoes and put them on the boil in salted water. While these are softening you can prepare your marinade. 

(Please note that the below recipe instructions for the marinade does not need to be done in any particular order):

Pour 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar into a big bowl (big enough to put your steak in later on).

Pour 1/4 cup of Worcestershire sauce into the mix.

Dice up your red onion and scatter that into the bowl. 

Stir in the cup of brown sugar along with the diced garlic.

Chuck in the sliced mushrooms and give it all a good stir. 

Dollop in two hearty spoonfuls of ketchup.

Grind in salt and pepper to your liking and then add the tobasco. Be as brave as you like this the tobasco - personally, I poured in over half of the bottle!! But even I will admit that it was a little bit much!! So experiment and taste - you can always add more in later. 

Don't worry if it doesn't look very liquidy - it just needs to be enough for the steak to lie in (for as long as possible). 

Turn the steak regularly to soak up the flavors on all sides.

While the steak is marinading in the fridge, ruggedly chop some spring onions.

Once the potatoes are boiled, rinse the water from the pot and mash the potatoes with a lug of milk. Toss in your chopped up spring onions into the mash (trust me.. it is delicious!).

Take the marinade from your steak and plop it into a pot to cook. You need to make sure the mushrooms are ready before you cook your steak.  

Quickly sear your meat on a very hot pan - personally, I like steak blue, but this is completely up to you - but anywhere over medium is considered sacrilege!!!

Dish up the mash, place your steak beside it and layer in a delicious spicy tabasco sauce! 

Squeeze some balsamic reduction over the dish and top with a handful of rocket.

Voila!!!

Grubs up!

 

The Brightest Star in the Sky by Marian Keyes | Book Review

Welcome to 66 Star Street . . . In the top-floor flat lives music exec Katie. She spends her days fighting off has-been rock stars and wondering how much cheesecake you'd need to eat yourself to death. Below her, a pair of muscular Poles share with a streetwise cabbie named Lydia, who has a sharp tongue, an even sharper brain but some unexpected soft spots. On the first floor is Fionn - a gardener who prefers the company of parsnips to people. But he looks like a fairy-tale prince and when he's offered his own television show, he's suddenly thrust into the limelight. And at the bottom of the house live Matt and Maeve, who are Very Much In Love and who stave off despair by doing random acts of kindness. But a mysterious visitor has just landed at 66 Star Street, bringing love, friendship and heartbreak, and a new-found optimism. Old secrets are working their way to the surface and all their lives are about to change in the most unexpected of ways

Blurb taken from: Good Reads 

Is there anything better than spending a wintery morning reading under the duvet with a big mug of hot chocolate in hand?

No. 

No there isn't.

 

What an incredibly strange book.

The whole while I kept on asking myself, 'who the hell is this narrator?!' 

 I couldn't figure out if it was some spiritual being - a ghost??? 
Was it 'Karma,' or 'Fate,' in word form? 
I couldn't even figure out if the narrator was creepy or not.. spying on people's lives and particularly interested in their sexual relations with one another.

It took me a while to click on (perhaps why I recently dyed the blonde out of my hair....) but when I eventually realized who the narrator was it made much more sense to me!!!

After 2013 being my year for spiritual growth and enlightenment, I have decided to blunder back into the world of chick-lit this year - and how better to do that than with the likes of Marian Keyes? 

She is one of the most successful chick-lit author's around and I have enjoyed many of her books in the past - even though I've noticed it does take me a while to get into them.

Admittedly and unsurprisingly, it took me a while to get into this book too - I struggled to understand the concept.

I hated getting to know a certain character and learning their story-line then as soon as I was starting to enjoy it, I was whizzed off to another characters story in a new chapter.
It follows each different tenant in the flat and explains their story throughout the different chapters.

The chapters were short and counting down days until Day One, but I didn't understand what we were waiting for? What would happen on Day One that was so special? Nothing really led me to believe that I was reading up to some dramatic high spot...  perhaps until so near the end it was almost ridiculous.

But then... BOOM! I couldn't put it down. I had to know what was coming.

It was hard to keep up and follow. I found myself forgetting the characters and needing to backtrack to remember certain elements from past chapters until a good halfway through.

Although I was still uncertain of the story-line as I reached the halfway mark and had no idea where the story would go, I was starting to enjoy it a little more - even though I found it incredibly 'dark.'
I had started to bond and connect with each character and found myself falling in love with each one of them for different reasons.

Why are we following these flat residents of 66 Star Street though?? That is the question that bugged me a bit. Yes, it was a good read but I saw no reason as to why I should be reading about their lives until I got deep into the book. Then, slowly (very slowly,) small snippets of mysterious events and emotions were portrayed which lead me wanting to keep turning the pages.

Why was Mauve so miserable? What had happened in her past that made her rigid and afraid and suffer from panic attacks? Who was this man that she and Matt secretly stalked?
I think I enjoyed their story the most. Something about it grabbed me - I was also able to relate to it a lot more than the other people's stories in the flat.

I also thought Lydia had something deeper. What would happen with her and the muscular Polish man?? The two detested each other yet their was clearly strong sexual tension there. And what about her mum with her illness? We were led to believe that Lydia was this ghastly women with no heart - yet I found myself developing a big weak spot for this character. Plus the sauciness of her living with two well-built, sexy Polish men was quite exciting. I was living vicariously through her for a while :)

Katie is an older character - entering her forties and in a struggling relationship with a workaholic. Will she finally give up on their romance and move on?
I couldn't tell whether I loved or hated Conall - her workaholic boyfriend. He seemed like a bit of a fairy-tale man to be honest - sweeping girls off to London for first dates and taking them to posh Opera shows. What was with his strange obsession with chocolate anyway!? 

Fionn's character was an absolute mess - although in saying that, part of me adored him too. I loved and hated him equally. He was so spontaneous and footloose. He didn't know if he was going left or right - a bit like me I suppose. His head and his heart were continuously changing paths and always up in the clouds.

All in all though, these characters sadly failed to save this book. Mauve was my favorite and the only one that I really enjoyed. There were too many characters slung into the pages.



As always, Marian Keyes sticks to the Irish roots but I found this book extremely different compared to the other novels that I've read of hers. With the bold, gold hardcover and the 600 + pages it contained ..... I really was holding high hopes for this book and from the start I was very disappointed.

It wasn't her usual cheery, humorous writing. It was heavy and sporadic. It focused on problems such as depression, mental illnesses, trauma and cheating to name only a few.

Yet, as always with any book I pick up, I finally turned the last page and put the book down - leaving with a handful of messages and lessons from the writing that I hadn't had before the read.

That's the important thing about books - each one has something special and unique to offer you. Sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper to find what you're looking for.

I fully believe that every book you pick up, you pick up for a reason. 

That book was put into your hands by fate / destiny.. whatever you choose to call it.

As my good friend Adrian once said to me:  

"You could find the book that will change your life today."

That saying will resonate in my heart for the rest of my days.

Works Weekly Fashion

Wow. It's been a while since I've done one of these posts. 

After looking through a bunch of old photographs to compile a really personal lifestyle post recently, I got pretty nostalgic.
I have SO many lovely clothes spilling out of my cupboards but I hardly ever wear them anymore - so this week I decided to funk up my fashion a bit and it felt so refreshing!

Monday:

I went for a wintery silver look with this long-sleeved (ancient) glitter dress I own, a musky pink beaded necklace, some leg warmers and a grey snood all paired with my May Shoes of the Month. I had on a waist-belt and showed off my new Polo handbag - which was my little birthday spoil that I treated myself to.

I spent my lunch break in the travel agent inquiring about a little trip away....... to....

Ireland!  

My travel bug is not yet over... nor do I think it will ever be - and planning this trip is so exciting. It will definitely be this year.. that is all I know for now!!
If you have any places to suggest I visit please let me know!

Of course I'll do Dublin, Galway and Limerick.. so any bars or historic buildings, landmarks and must-see places will be a fabulous help for me!

Thank you!!

Tuesday:

I was feeling very French today. 

During my lunch break I went to this gorgeous cafe called Mon Petit Pain where I ordered a box full of macarons and sat out in their courtyard in black and white stripes and a beret. 

I paired my maxi dress with some pink peep toe heels, a matching pink beret and some swirly silver earrings. What a great day. 

Wednesday:

I desperately wanted to wear my May shoes of the month again - I am really loving them! When I bought them I also bought this leopard print button up seen above.

I was never previously sure if I liked leopard print or not and wasn't confident that I could really pull it off.... I'm still not sure if animal print is really a 'Jade Thing' to wear... but it was interesting to experiment with what I had in my wardrobe and mix them with something new and daring.

The working day was crazy because it is end of month so I am busy busy with admin work but still I'm finding time to do what I do best... have fun! :) 

I met my friend Ashley at Mo's on Rex on Wednesday evening for a few beers. Just another great, great day!    

Thursday:

Thursday was another fabulous day - although I only had gone to bed at 3am the previous night due to a pajama party at a local bar... I managed to pull through the day. 

I even receieved a wonderful parcel from my friend in Canada - which you can read more about in the previous post. 

I spent the evening relaxing with my family, watching series in front of the crackling fire after devouring a 10 page hand-written letter from my intercontinental 'pen-pal' - bliss.

Friday:

Today was cold! 

I have decided that I am the worlds #1 procrastinator! I'd set my alarm for 6am and was determined to pull on some sweat pants and a hoodie and go for a run around the island this morning.... but when I saw the weather outside I just crawled further under the covers and slept for another hour. 

Today's look was for pure warmth and comfort, with my favorite 'jeggings,' boots and thick tribal printed chunky sweater. I also had my most sentimental and favorite necklace, the 'OM' symbol hanging from my neck. 

Tonight, after a little trip to the spa this afternoon to get my nails done, I am cooking dinner for my family. I have no idea what I'll be preparing just yet but I'm in such a creative mood - so some experimenting will definitely be done!

How was your working week blogger friends? I hope it was as wonderful as mine - never stop smiling and sharing the love!

Enjoy the weekend!

x