1 German, 1 Brit and 2 South African

Had an absolutely amazing weekend! It was the most fun that I have had in such a long time.

On Friday the 16th, Brendon arrived back from his travels away, so we had all suggested meeting at Swing Cafe for pre-drinks before hitting the clubs.

Now as many of my closer friends know, Swing Cafe and I don't exactly get along. I rarely leave that place in the right state of mind. Friday was no different.

I have had my drink spiked there once before and the other times it has just been awful experiences, I always get way to drunk way to quickly and make an idiot of myself.

Friday night I had about 4 hunters dry ciders and a coffee tequila shot. It was my first time in my drinking history that I had been brave enough to try a tequila. Don't think it was a good idea.

My head was spinning and Brendon and his good friend Gustav had to get my peanuts and water.

My nickname for years now has been 'Peanut' though I doubt I'll ever look at it the same way after Friday night.

I spewed EVERYWHERE!!!

Unfortunately I was far too drunk to make it to the actual party. Gustav, Brendon, Lucien and Chantelle bravely took me past a massive road block (we were all intoxicated) and got me into bed.

The stories from the rest of their night while I was in my drunken slumber are absolutely horrendous!!! - Lets just say that the next day no one could get a hold of Chantelle and I had to drag my hungover ass out of bed to take her shift in the gym. Thankfully just as I arrived she bolted through the door herself so I got to go back home. Think she is quite a bit of trouble of that though, because she was half an hour late for work and our boss Brendon was there waiting for her. Eek...

As for the rest of the day. I finally got over my hangover, and was supposed to go to my brother's 23rd birthday party but at the last minute I got a once in a lifetime chance to do a whole bunch of adventure activities with Brendon, Chantelle and Gustav for free! My mum told me to go have fun, think she was very jealous!

So off we drove to the Eastern Cape. If I don't have numerous amounts of speeding fines I will be shocked. Brendon, Gustav and I RACED to our destination, seeing who could get there first. I was in lead to begin with, going about 160 on an 80 road. Just as I was feeling pretty confident and professional I saw Brendon and Gustav on my tail and they soon sped past me and Chantelle begged me to slow down because she was getting nervous so I relaxed to about 145.

After arriving there we zip-lined through trees and above waterfalls. It was so insanely beautiful. Chantelle and Gustav are the funniest two people the world could ever meet. The two of them together is an absolute nightmare! My stomach muscles are in so much pain from laughing so hard this weekend.

Videos are up on facebook, you will see what I mean!

After we did our adventure stuff it was time to go to a Merrell charity event in aid of orphans. We all played around with the kids for a little while and had a glass of white wine. Then we decided it was time to do a bar hop.

..... I have NEVER in my entire life seen Plett so dead. It was worse than Knysna (which is saying something!) One place we went to literally told us to l eave at midnight because they were going to close for the night.

We got so bored that we stopped at a garage station and bought a whole bunch of biscuits and chocolates.

Back at the beach house, Brendon put on a horror movie called Haunting in Connecticut. I got about half way through but fell asleep. When I woke it was just me, Chantelle and Gustav on the couch all passed out like babies. Brendon had disappeared. I kicked Chantelle awake and we snuggled into our king sized bed in the other room.

Brendon and Gustav were meant to be sharing a room with two single beds but Gustav let a KILLER one rip and Brendon went to sleep on the couch. It was hilarious. BOYS!!!!

Sunday... Brendon and Gustav decided they wanted to go for a run. So after an amazing feast of a breakfast we all set off. Brendon and Gus went for a run while Chantelle and I were dropped off in a forest to mess around for an hour. We then all headed out to a nearby restaurant for lunch called The Heath. On the menu it said 'Jade's Cafe' so I was seriously chuffed!

Got talking to a couple of guys that were chilling outside because I'd recognized a really awesome song playing and they were quite impressed that I knew the artist, Yoav.

Fell asleep on the couch for a while when we all got back to the beach house... Then was rudely and SORELY awoken by Brendon slapping me! About two minutes after that I tried to watch the video of me yelping in pain and I walked right into a glass sliding door. Everyone was on the floor laughing at me! Assholes. Hee hee!

So overall it was an GREAT weekend!

Got Chinese soup for supper last night and watched Dear John.

Don't think there will be a weekend that could top this one. Pity about my missing out on the Friday, but I think I would be a zombie today if I'd fitted that part into my weekend too!

Thanx to everyone that made it such a special and memorable time!

Signing out,

Jade Wright

More pointless ramblings of a no body

Its almost the end of another week.

I suppose it did improve in the end.

My mum forgot to tell the vet about my dogs growth but she's on pain killers right now, so she is doing a lot better than before. She just needs a lot of love and attention.

South Africa has never been this cold since I have moved here. There is snow up on the Outeniqua Mountains. I went to see a few weeks back but I was too late. It has returned now, and I feel like I am back in England! I've started sleeping with a hot water bottle every night, two blankets, switched my heater on, and an over-sized jumper but I still shiver!

I love winter, but I think I am yearning for a bit of warmth on my skin now!!! In the shower this morning, I must have stayed under the flowing water for at least 15minutes, so reluctant to get out.

It is my brother's birthday today, so he's having a small group of friends around for a barbeque and some drinks. After I've shown my face for a couple of hours, I'm off to Plett to party with my boss, Gustav and Chantelle. Will be the 2nd time I've been out in Plett, not really keen to go out again, but I need to let loose for a while I think.

Last night I don't know what happened to me! I went to Swing Cafe with Chantelle. I knew I shouldn't have, because every single time I go there, I don't walk back through that doorway without staggering. I've had my drink spiked there once and it was the most petrifying experience. Last night I had about 4 drinks, so I'm not sure HOW I got so badly drunk, and I had my first ever shot of tequila! =)

It was almost a coffee flavor, was quite nice but don't think my body / liver liked it too much!

Somehow Chantelle, Brendon, Gustav and Lucien managed to get me home after a flirtatious talk with some police to get us out of being kicked into a cell for drunk driving!!!

Got home and into bed, passed out while they drove off to carry on with their night!

Got a text in the morning from my boss, Chantelle was meant to be on duty at the gym and she was already a half an hour late for work and her phone was off. I asked Brendon if he'd like me to fill in, so I shot up and shoved some clothes on and bolted to work.

When I got there he apologized as Chantelle had just walked through the door.

She's in a bit of trouble I think, as he says he will 'discuss it with her on Monday...' doesn't sound good! Eek!

Luckily I'm quite responsible when it comes to work and time. I am the sort of person that usually arrives at least 20minutes early, I hate being late!

Off for coffee with a good friend now, will fill you all in on my adventures at a later stage...

Enjoy what is left of the weekend,

Jade Wright

The Beginning of a new Week.

Its the beginning of a new week, and just as a I thought I was moving past my grandfathers death, something else had to come along and push me down again.

My Cassy dog (my first dog) has been acting up for about 2 days now. She has bad arthritis and this cold isn't doing her any justice. She's been shaking and whimpering, crying if we're not around her... then last night while I was giving her cuddles, I found a growth the size of a large grape on the side of her head. It looks like a brain. Pink and tiny red veins scattered around it. My mum says it doesn't look good.

We've called the vet, who is coming over at ten to take a look at her. I'll be at work, but my mum has promised not to let her do anything (like put her down) unless I'm there.

Otherwise, my weekend was great. Friday night I went out for the first time in weeks, maybe even months, and had such a good time. There were one or two things that I really could have done without, but overall it was a good night out with my friends.

Saturday morning I got to work still intoxicated, my head span all day. As soon as I finally got home after a morning in gym, I passed out for hours! I don't mean two or three hours, I mean about eight! It was amazing! Watched a bit of TV when I got up, but fell back asleep again until about eleven.

Sunday was no different. Slept ALL day. Think I really needed it!

Feeling much more alive than I have been in the last couple of weeks.

Hoping this week gets better... Its already off to a bad start!

Watched the Spain VS Holland match last night in bed with my kitten. What a messy match!!! Unfortunately I didn't get to watch the ending because as it was still 0-0 at about 86minutes in, I finally got bored and fell asleep. Heard Spain won though... I was supporting Holland so was pretty disappointed when I got onto facebook this morning and found out the news.

Since I'd been given a Holland shirt I'd worn it for every match, but last night I was in my Buddha top, so maybe I jinxed it! Oops!!!

Fingers and toes crossed that this week improves!

Signing off...

Jade

Just an Update

On a health diet. It sucks!!! Last two days have been pure torture trying to stay away from junk foods! I may have slipped up last night and eaten a pack of sour cream and red onion crisps....maybe.... on the first DAY of the diet.... I have no self-control.

Made a sale at work yesterday! So that is a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders! Was really starting to stress, so at least I'm feeling a little better now! Still have a lot more to improve on though! Although this job is a lot of fun and I enjoy it, its still very tough. Way tougher than my months in the video store and art gallery.

Had a very busy day so far! Work started at 6am, luckily I just finished for the day because I do the weekend shift tomorrow. Got to be back at work at 5pm though because we're holding a cheese and wine social evening. Free wine and cheese? I'm not complaining!!!
At 8pm when the social is over, we have to clean up, then I'm off to Chantelle's house warming party. She's just moved into her own place. I'm jealous!
I bought her a really pretty duvet and pillow set as a house warming gift, which she loves.My boss, Brendon, has a whole group of friends coming down from PE so its going to be a BIG night!
May decide to go out for a couple of drinks with everyone after the party. I haven't been out in ages, think its time to let loose :)

Kitten is saying its love time, so I best be off!!

Opening up

I thought the plans after my grandfathers death would be to travel up to Cape Town after the weekend for a funeral.
Turns out there will be no formal funeral. My grandfather is going to be cremated, and transported down to Knysna with my Aunt and Uncle when they decide to come for some of the Oyster Festival. Once my grandfathers ashes have arrived, we will have a little gathering in the garden of my parents house, say our goodbyes and a few words. There onwards, my dad and his brothers will set off to scatter his ashes at the most appropriate spot.

I was hoping to get away from Knysna for a while to clear my head, but looks as though I'm stuck here for now.
Although I have teared up a few times around some of my closest friends, it still hasn't hit me that he's not alive.
I feel so stupid and vulnerable when people ask if I'm OK when they see that I'm not my usual smiley self, I try to say I'm fine, but I must be a bad liar. They see straight through it. My manager, Ansu, an amazingly sweet person, is the one that has probably seen me tear up the most. I try to walk away and hide it, but she makes it so easy to open up.
I don't understand why this is such an emotional thing. I know he was family, but I was never like this when my other Grandad passed away just under 3 years ago. I think the emotions from his death are also finally unleashing themselves, so its rather like a tsunami hit me than anything else.

I need to cheer up though, and get over it. Its time to move on. Being sad isn't going to change anything. Being sad is just going to waste time that I can't ever get back. He wouldn't have wanted me to be sad. So I think I need to respect his wishes, as much as it hurts.

Its going to be a pretty stressful week I think. Another reason I was quite keen to remove myself from this small town of conformity is because on Wednesday, work has a very important person coming in from oversea's to test me and the other Curves trainer's individually on our progress. She is going to test us on the muslces in our bodies and what muscles each machine works. She's also going to test us on our sales presentation, our phone scripts and a whole lot more. Got to be on top form! So I think its time to push aside all emotional baggage, crack open my study books and re-insert all of this information! I think I'll do alright, its just nerve wrecking knowing that she's so superior.

Before I do anything else though, there is one thing I need to get out the way before I can fully move on.
I'm taking a couple of hours out of this already miserable day to open up my old baby album to remember my late grandfathers' at their healthiest and strongest points. That is how I want to remember them. I want to look at the smiles on their faces from those 19 year old photographs
and smile back... then, I'm going to do the hardest part. I'm going to get the necklace my Grandad gave me when I was born (the one I can't bare to look at right now),
and put it around my neck. I'm going to keep it there for as long as I need to. Whenever I feel sad, I'm going to try and look at it and remember that he's no longer suffering.
He's happier now.
I'm sure I'll have more than one weakened, breaking moment, but that's expected.

I miss them both so much. I'll never be able to tell either of them that, but I know that they know I do.

The last couple of days have been an emotional roller-coaster, I've not dealt with it well (or at all really...)
The only time I've truly let myself go is when I got sent home from work to relax, and I took a moody walk down the train tracks to clear my head. I think I should go there more often. It seemed to help. There's something comforting about it there. Its dead silent, with gorgeous scenery near the lagoon edge and there's no worry about trains coming by as its been broken for years. Perfect place to go to when I need some alone time.

I know this feeling won't last forever, I know one day soon I will smile and mean it. Its just a matter of time.

Deaths breath has sent a chill down my protruding spine...

It happened. He passed away. It hasn't hit me. It was coming for such a long time that now it has actually happened, I don't believe it. He's still alive. He's still living in Cape Town and suffering. He isn't dead. Not to me...

I know I'm in denial. I know its not good for me. I know he's gone. I know I'll never be able to tell him I love him again. I can't even remember the last time I did.... I know I'll never get to see him again. But somehow, he's not dead. He can't be!

I have no grandfathers left...

This entry is a waste of time. I am just writing down exactly whats clogging up my heart.

Why do people always leave?

I am trying so hard to be strong, to lock it all up inside. I can't be alone. I can't see his picture. I can't look at the necklace he bought me when I was a new born.

We weren't amazingly close, but he was still a part of me. A part of me that is gone now.

The End

The song 'This is the End' by 'The Doors' seems quite convenient at this moment.

My Grandfather went into a coma a few minutes ago, and it hit me so hard in the pit of my stomach that this really could be the end....

I've been expecting it for so long, but now that it might finally be here, I don't think I could have ever prepared for this feeling.

The feeling is indescribable. My stomach feels light and empty, my eyes keep fighting back tears, I keep gasping in gulps of air, trying to prepare myself to hear the news.

I could never have been ready for this moment. Ever.