Sunday

So its a cold and rainy night. I am sitting in my room with a mug filled with delicious smelling coffee, I can hear the rain falling to the dampened grass outside and I can see the water droplets slowly slipping down my window pane. I don't know what it is about weather like this, but it always puts me in a creative mood.

Nothing ever blossomed between me and the cute waiter who I so boldly gave my number to. He's a nice guy, but as it turned out, we just didn't connect. Not in the way that Michael and I did anyway. With Michael, every moment is perfect. We fit into each others arms so amazingly. There was never an uncomfortable moment, never the slightest bit of awkwardness.

I can' put into words the connection that Michael and I have; which frustrates me because putting feelings down from a pen to paper is what I do! Its my passion, and now there are no words to describe what Michael and I share.

Right now I'm hovering my fingers over the key-board, listening to The Cat Empire and just wanting to write - but I can't think of anything to say.............

I may be going to the Transkei in December, I have leave that I can take from work and since I have taken up surfing again I've got a couple of buddies going there to catch some waves, so I may join them for the journey!

OH! I learnt a pretty valuable lesson a couple of weeks back. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE. I always trust far too easily and confide in people when I am going through something tough, and me being as naive as I am, would never think they would go and spread my private life around the whole of the western cape... but apparently they would.

People these days are just after a good bit of gossip, so that they have five seconds of being everyones greatest interest.

I need to start dealing with my personal situations by myself and find the answers without help from others. I need to deal with things in a way that I choose and not rely on other peoples advice. Its a great build up of your inner self and strengthens your whole being.

Blonde hair is far to high maintenance for me. Dying it back to my lovely and wonderful dark curtain on the 2nd of November. Got an email from a great photographer that wants to do a shoot with me, but in order to do the shoot I need to have dark hair again - so its win win!

Blonde is great, it makes me feel much more beautiful, but its just not me. Cannot WAIT for my hair to grow again either! Cutting it all off was the worst mistake I've ever made.

My tattoo is still a bit scabby and still can't get it wet, which makes bathing and surfing so difficult! But soon it will be all healed up and ready to show off to the word!

Now I am just writing a load of boring junk that is not worthy of publishing... thinking of high lighting it all and pressing backspace.. but then in a couple of months when I re-read this entry at least I'll sit back and have a good laugh.

So I'm off, going to pour myself a nice glass of red, run a bath and read a book! Delightful Sunday night :)

Death of Love

My fairy tale with Michael ended. He told me it was because we could never get married due to the family issues, with Kane in my past and also because I'm still 19 and have my own dreams that he wants me to follow.

Of course my heart shattered into pieces. I got angry and told him to make his mind up and stick to it for once, as it had always been a bit of a roller-coaster ride with him.

I am looking for something serious; so I'm not going to wait around for nothing.

We are friends now. Still hang out every so often and I get to see the puppy.

Finally got my tattoo I've been wanting for over a year too!!! So stoked with it. Couple of things I want to touch up and add to it but for now its awesome.

Was really proud of myself too, because I sat through the whole tattoo by myself, no one was there to hold my hand! Faced and conquered my fear!!!! :)

Did something pretty different last week. Chantelle and I went for lunch at this small Italian cafe, and I thought the waiter was good looking. Totally my type and totally not at the same time. He's sort of rugged looking, with tattoo's and a very stylish fashion sense. He wears dark rimmed glasses and has blonde hair and blue eyes.

Apparently as Chantelle was trying to order her food he wouldn't stop looking at me. She only decided to tell me after we left and I went into another cafe, grabbed a pen and paper and wrote my number down for him. Chantelle took it back to him and I was expecting him to wait a couple of days before contacting me. About 2 hours later I got a message.

We began flirting away and met up for a drink a few days later. We got on pretty well and decided on a second date :)

Friday night I couldn't get home because there was a big road block and we'd all been out drinking, so he said I could stay at his place in town.

It was a very sweet night. He cuddled me close all night, stroking my back and giving me soft kisses. It didn't go any further.
I've realized now that guys aren't going to respect you if you just give it all up on the first night, and I'm not that sort of girl. I really respect him for not trying to go further too. It really surprised me and made me feel so good about myself.

Saturday night we put on a movie called Shutter Island (FUCKED UP MOVIE!!!!) and he made is the most delicious Italian dinner and pudding I've ever tasted!!! We fell asleep on his couch, me in his arms. He woke me up at 3am to ask if I was comfortable and warm.

As I said, I am looking for something serious and so far he is a great guy that I'd love to carry on seeing, but another thing I've recently learnt is to not get your hopes up. Majority of the time you just end up being disappointed. So we'll see what happens, guess I'm just scared to get hurt again.