Also a month ago, I'd light up a cigarette every time I got into my car. Today, I'm a month clean from smoking. Its been insanely difficult and for some reason, I am more out of breath now then when I did smoke when I exercise but I am baring with it.
I also have decreased my number of piercings. I took out my third earrings in my ears and removed my nose ring! Now I have only five piercings in total.
I ended up winding up in the most horrible and guilt-ridden situation at the end of March. Sometime last year a friend of mine set me up on a blind date. The date went horribly and we never spoke again but we did somehow become online friends so when I logged onto my Facebook one day and saw his relationship status had turned from 'single' to 'engaged...!' I was but one of the many congratulating the couple yet somehow his fiancée managed to pick me out of the bunch and ask me how I knew him. Thinking absolutely nothing of it, I responded to her email, informing her that we'd gone on a date at some point last year. It turns out that they have supposedly been together for seven years, engaged for three and have two little children! Even though it was not my fault whatsoever the guilt has stuck with me every day since. What evil, horrible man could do that? He had a family! He must have removed his ring as I would have noticed and bolted. I can't stop thinking about how she and her kids must be feeling. The worst part is that she is actually considering staying with that scum-bag just for the sake of the kids! I gave her my advice and told her that in the long-run both her and her children will be happier if she separated from him. I think she deserves a chance to find someone out there that will treat her right and make her happy. Staying with him is only going to torture her and the children will one day see that and be as equally unhappy as she.
She thanked me for my honesty as I answered every question she shot at me and we parted ways. Both her and her kids will always be in the thoughts until my last breath; tearing a family apart is the worst thing a person could do and although I know it isn't my fault, I am still the cause of their problems........
I've had nonsense of my own to deal with as well lately of course. Knysna. That's really all you have to say. That six letter word that just screams 'GOSSIP. DRAMA and CHAOS!'
I knew my relationship with Shaun couldn't go drama-free forever. One of my ex's managed to spread a pathetic rumor that I kissed someone else at Zanzibar one night, although the guy that I supposedly kissed is in Miami and I was pretty much glued to Shaun's hip all night long. If I wasn't talking, kissing, cuddling and smiling with him I was close by anyway. Someone also told me that the same night he was flirting with some girl with a black dress and long dark hair. I hate the rumors. I wish people would just get on with their own lives and stop trying to get involved in ours. It is our shit, not there's. If I wanted to be kissing another man, I wouldn't be all over Shaun and if Shaun wanted to flirt with other girls then I am hoping he wouldn't want to be with me in the first place!!!
Luckily Shaun and I have not yet had an argument and we have a pretty strong and connected relationship going on. We have had some beautiful and magical moments together over the last month. I am so happy that winter is on its way because one of my favorite things to do with him is snuggle down in front of the fire and cuddle close, kissing each other softly and stroking each others faces, necks, arms... Its moments like that, that make me truly happy. In those moments, nothing could compare to us just lying there and being affectionate. It just feels right.
One Thursday night we ad just finished watching a movie and we were lying next to each other listening to the credits music, his face was glowing from the light of the fire and my fingers were stroking every last detail of his devishly handsome face. "It feels like I have been with you so much longer than a month..." I whispered, looking at him adoringly. "Maybe we just fit babe..." he replied, nuzzling into my warm neck.
Happiness................................
