I find it incredible how judgemental people can be.
A few days ago I started a page on a well-known incentive based sponsorship platform. The site helps creative people fund their projects - in my case, people would be donating as little as $1 to my new writing project. That $1 shows support and belief in what you do - it's so motivational knowing there are people out there who care about your work and are willing to help you send your project into production. It's also a great platform to gauge how much interest there is into your work because once the work is done you need to start making sales. That said, some wonderful unknown person purchased a paperback copy of my novel yesterday and I couldn't be more grateful. Literally, every tiny bit helps!!!
There's a lot of work that goes into writing a novel.
Hours a day spent hunched over your keyboard to bring a story together that one day people will be holding in their hands. I don't get paid for those hours work - and no I am not usually one to care about money all that much if it means I'm doing something I love! Writing has always been a huge passion of mine and I get satisfaction from just seeing my book with my name on the front cover, bound and ready to be devoured.
However - circumstances have changed for me lately and while I'm working my arse off to find a job, helping out at the family business and trying to sell my wedding dress which I put up onto Gumtree yesterday:
I am trying the best that I can but there's no denying that a bit of crowdfunding for my new writing project would be a huge help to me right now. But even though I put myself out there - people now think I am 'begging.' I'm getting ridiculed, laughed at and judged.
I think people don't seem to realise this is the 21st century. Take for instance another funding platform - Patreon.
Almost every single podcaster I know has Patreon. I wasn't judged for that when I created it (in fact I accumulated almost $200 in pledges!?) so I'm struggling to understand how and why Kickstarter is any different.
It's not like people donate money for nothing. Both Kickstarter and Patreon are incentive based - meaning depending on the amount you contribute towards a persons project, you get something in return.
Here's my profiles - there's nothing 'beggy' about them and I'm so tired of people's lack of understanding.
Anyway... that was my little rant... because I'm deflated today. It's another hard day where accepting M and I are over is ripping my heart out. All night last night I couldn't get to sleep, my mind was so full of memories of us camping and loving each other... exploring different parts of Canada, South Africa, Australia and Madagascar.
My brain was also in overdrive trying to figure out how to acquire Bumble, that sexy little yellow car I have fallen in love with but cannot afford.
My head was full of the realisation that by the end of this month I'm going to be camping on a mattress in a half torn down cottage that is missing walls so it's going to be freezing cold but hey, at least there's a bathroom and a stove so I'm just going to need to bundle up like an eskimo and get on with it. I can't stay in my folks house anymore. I'm going mad and am probably getting lung cancer because everyone smokes inside with the windows closed. I wake up coughing and hardly breathe. I can't get to sleep at night because the snoring rattles through the entire house like a fucking monster.
And I just can't keep seeing my family live this way... passing out drunk every single night listening to a television so loud that people three houses down can probably hear it.
Moving back to South Africa has made me more depressed than ever before - but I'm holding onto that last shred of hope I have and I'm trying to figure my life out. The sooner the better.
Today I'm going into the work office - which is an ice box but I'm just thrilled to get out of this smokey hell hole and I'm getting trained in Quickbooks so I can get the business back up to date with invoicing etc. I'm just so excited to work and get out of the house. I just wish I had a car so I could just drive - get out more. I hitch-hiked the other day just to get away. I'm aware that's not smart but I'm at a complete loss for what else to do anymore. My life has gone to shit and my depression and heartbreak is actually starting to kill me. I feel so trapped. ANY form of independence I once had is gone. I truly don't think I deserved this to happen to me - at 28 years old when I was about to have everything I'd ever wanted.... a beautiful life with an incredible man, getting married and living happily ever after. I lost it. I lost everything and there's tears falling onto the keyboard as I type that out because I don't KNOW how to start again. I don't KNOW how to let go. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard that I'm truly exhausted. But I miss M. I miss us. I miss my old life. I know I fucked it all up and I couldn't be more sorry for that. The miscarriages and hormone imbalances took it's toll on me and I wish I'd fixed that sooner before it was too late. Because now I am getting healthy. I'm exercising and laughing and working on myself but it is truly impossible to not be completely depressed when you've lost everything you cared about in life.
I wish someone would throw me a lifeline. I'm doing my best to get my mother sorted with one. No one seems to realise how much I try and do for everyone else. Even just that acknowledgement would be nice. A thank you. Anything.
Don't’ let the assholes get you down about Patreon and Kickstarter. Everyone seems to be doing it. And if people don’t like it, then don’t donate! No need to be hateful. I hope things get better for you soon. I’ve been in a toxic environment like you are, and it’s hell. I feel stuck. Just take care of yourself and do you. You didn’t deserve what happened with you and M. You definitely deserve better. ��
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU for being so honest and putting your heart into your words. Everything will come right for you Jadie- go easy on yourself, all things considered, you are doing superbly. Take it one day at a time always space on my couch if you want to see if Jozi is your new adventure xx
ReplyDeleteDon't let trolls get you down! it's perfectly normal to turn to crowdfunding these days!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having a tough time but it sounds like there are some good things and the work sounds exciting - things will turn around for you soon!
Hope that you are having a wonderful weekend :) It's been a quiet one for us, with the rain!
Away From Blue
Oh Jade. Hello old friend. Sorry it has taken me so long to come say hi. Of course I remember you silly! I am so sorry to hear this. Life can be so shitty sometimes and it feels like the ones who need the most help persistently get overlooked. I feel your pain. I had to move back in with my parents and now find myself stuck because I have nowhere to go (can't afford it on my own) and don't have anyone to rent with either (not that I feel like doing so at 33). I definitely feel stuck too. Like nothing is happening. I even wonder if I have a future/destined for one sometimes because it feels so bleak. Sometimes you just want someone to come and save the day or for the Universe to cut you some effing slack. I'm so sorry your relationship didn't work out. I don't know the ins and outs but I want to say that there is someone better out there for you. I truly believe it. You are such a beautiful soul and deserve all good things. There's something that will come out of this shit-storm, even though you won't see it now, something will come out of this, even if it's mere empathy for others down and out on their luck.
ReplyDeletePeople can really suck too. I don't understand the world of crowdfunding. There are so many people in need who have no views or dollars donated. It is very depressing. I had a car accident recently which wrote off my car, but before that I didn't have enough to pay my insurance excess. A friend suggested crowdfunding and I had a look. There were so many people seeking the same help, $500, $1200 and yet no one donated anything so I gave up and had to ask my parents for help. At the same time (not sure if it made news over there) some idiotic multi-millionaire rugby player set up a crowdfunding campaign to raise 3 million to pay his legal fees for being fired from rugby for spreading religious hatred. Worst yet he had more than half a million raised in 24 hours. Unbelievable right?! Especially considering there are people asking for help with medications and some asking for a mere $500 to pay insurance excess. This all makes me so mad. It's funny what people chose to be judgmental over. It's those "lucky" few who have never truly experienced hardship to fully comprehend empathy or humanity. Anyhoo Jade, I am always here if you need to talk. Shoot me an email anytime babe. Also this book! Ahhhhh where can I buy! Wishing you nothing but the best.
Sxx
daringcoco.com
Do you have any control of how crazy you actually are? Is there no end the depths you will stoop for attention?? Leave your poor mother and brother alone. You drink daily celebrating and documenting the fact all over Facebook and instagram. Your opinions on what an alcoholic is hold no merit and is completely self serving when it suites you on your terms.
ReplyDeleteDo you know that It is a criminal offense to fake a break-in to get your ex’s and everyone else’s sympathy and attention. You can be criminally charged for what you have done. Wasting police resources on a drunken attention seeking stunt will get a criminal record. Not to mention should your parents claim from insurance to fix all the damage you’ve caused their property will amount to fraud thanks to you.
Do you honestly believe people are stupid and gullible enough to believe 2 men climbed in and out of that window without disturbing one single thing on the counter and not leaving any muddy footprints when you can quote clearly see muddy cat footprints. But don’t worry I’ve discussed this with this police and they agree. Let’s see if they decide to take things further against you. We are not as stupid as you think. This whole thing is such a farce and an insult to the real victims of these sort of crimes. Spare us all the upcoming extortion attempt that is no doubt pending to replace all you “stolen” items you must be truly special to get a contract on a phone with no job or income. I agree with your brother GROW UP! You are so opinionated and judgmental about them probably because they are a mirror for you and it’s yourself you see in them and that’s what disgusts you. Yourself !
And stop making up all these fake stories and lies it makes you a million times more despicable than anything your mother has said to you. People are so judgmental because they can see through all your bullshit like and are over being taken for a ride.
This is CLASSIC. So the allsond FOOTAGE of two men arriving and leaving my premises .. the handbag found in the footpath on the way to the township at 2 am. i actually don't have to explain anything to you. please, have a great life. wishing you many positive and happy vibes.
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