All I Want Is a Keyring

I'm lying on my bed in a grey concert t-shirt, ripped denim shorts (with an extremely unfortunate hole in the rear...). Barefoot with chipped nail polish. I am the definition of flawless, no? *inset sarcasm here*

I'm looking around the room with its mandarin glow and dark wooden wicker cabinets. The fridge is gurgling away, there's a pigeon cooing right outside my window and the sound of a dog barking somewhere in the distance. It's such a tranquil place and I can't believe it's all coming to an end so quickly. 

Two months has flown by. I took a three month lease on this apartment when I arrived in Cape Town, South Africa. Somehow, I landed a job at one of the best art galleries in the world. Things all seemed to fall right into place for me when I first got here. I gave myself the time limit of three months to make things work. If they didn't, I had no choice but to return to the yachts and earn some Euros. My mission was simple: Find a good job, a flat... create a life here. Luckily, the job is going swimmingly.. but my lease expires in a month and then I will be homeless. Again. Shit. 

As much as I would love to stay in the place I am currently in, it's far too expensive. So I have been scouring the internet in search of a new place to call home. 

I fell in love with one tiny studio apartment in a complex nestled in the heart of the city. It had a little balcony and a view of the wondrous Table Mountain. Sadly, I couldn't take it. The one thing about living in the city is that most of the places don't offer secure parking. That meant that I would have to park on the streets which for South Africa in general just isn't a good idea.... it just wasn't a safe option for a single female walking home at night after work. I persevered and had flat options spilling out of my head - it was overwhelming looking at all of these places but there was nothing that seemed quite right.

The area that I am in now is out of the city. I live in Table View which is a stunning area close to the beach and far quieter too - the commute is just over an hour to get to work every morning but I really don't mind it. I've been listening to audiobooks while stuck in the traffic and it is a fantastic way to read more books each month. So - tomorrow, I am viewing a little studio apartment in a complex with secure parking ACROSS THE ROAD from the beach... it has a balcony overlooking the ocean and you can even see Table Mountain in the distance. I'm trying not to get my hopes up for it but I'm not going to lie, I have already been trolling Pinterest since 5am this morning looking at ways to decorate it. 

I know it sounds so silly - but I really just want a key ring. 

My whole life I have traveled the world, never really settling anywhere. It has never appealed to me. I've always been so free-spirited and have never wanted commitments or to be tied down. I don't know - maybe this change is due to my progression into my late twenties next month... I'm not sure what it is, but SOMETHING has me wanting to lay down some roots for once. 

I WANT to have a set of keys in the palm of my hand with a keyring on it. My keyring. I have never needed one before because my address was constantly changing. I guess the yearning for a keyring might sound a bit pathetic to you - but to me, it's symbolic. To me, that keyring will mean so much more than just a tacky piece of plastic. It will be SO special. I want the right keyring too. Something specific. Something.... 'me.'

I might not be able to afford the most amazing place... I might be paying off someone else's mortgage and bond.... but I have to start somewhere. 

I have a good feeling I am going to be taking this place I see tomorrow. Everything about it, from the pictures I have studied intensely over the last few days, screams ME.

I also know it is going to take time to set it up the way that I want it to be. It isn't going to be perfectly decorated within the first week of moving in. It's going to take time. I need to save money and slowly get it to where I want it to be. I mean, the place is completely unfurnished so in the beginning I am literally going to be focusing on the essentials: a mattress, bedding, a fridge, a washing machine (I NEVER thought I'd hear myself say that I need to buy myself a washing machine... I mean.... WHAT???), kitchen utensils. The list is actually endless! Thank God the stove is fitted in the kitchen already. One less thing to worry about. 

It is going to be a major work in progress and it will probably take months before I get it to where I want it to be. 

I do regret not using my savings from the yachts more wisely - saving it away to decorate this flat would have been SO handy right now... but we live and we learn, right? 

Winter is coming. I can just picture it in my head, cozied up in my new apartment on a shaggy rug, sipping a cup of tea and staring out at the waves.. writing my novels, reading books, filming my Youtube videos...  It will be the first place in my entire life that really feels like it is MINE because I will have my own furniture for the very first time. I will own things!!! I have never owned things like that before. Quite sad for someone in their late twenties, no? But my priorities were different then. Things have changed... and I am embracing everything that life is throwing my way. 

The place I am writing this from has never really felt like home. No where has really ever quite felt like 'home' because these places were always other peoples. It was their stuff. 

I am so excited to finally feel like I have a home. I feel like this is a monumental moment in my life because I was the person that never wanted a home. Everyone thought I was weird... globe trotting, sporadic, always on the move. I never really cared what people thought, I just thought they had different priorities to me. While they were studying to get degrees, saving to buy a house and getting married, popping out a family... I was wheeling my suitcase around airports, learning new cultures in South East Asia, trying new foods in dodgy markets in the streets of London, dying from sea sickness on a passage from Italy to Spain, exploring mountains in Switzerland and white-water rafting through Austria. I am not saying that I don't want to travel again. OF COUSE I do. I think once the travel bug bites, it never quite goes away. But I have seen a lot of the world already, more than most... and I will never regret that. I so so blessed to have been able to SEE the world that so many often only dream about... and I will continue to travel. I want to go snowboarding in Canada, devote myself to selfless service in India and experience a hot air balloon festival in Turkey.... and I will do those things. Eventually. Right now though, I want make a home and a life for myself. Here. In Cape Town. 

My mindset has altered so much recently.... not only do I want a home.... but I'm even considering one day having a family of my own. Babies have never appealed to me. I love children, don't get me wrong.. I'm good with children. But I never wanted them myself. But now??? I'm thinking about it. I'm not quite 'there' yet.... I am still very uncertain as to whether the life I lead (still writing and traveling...) would ever be a good fit for a child.... I will admit it, I am selfish. I like doing what I want, when I want... and if I have a child, they will come first. It won't be 'my life' anymore. And that scares me. That scares me a lot. 

But.... I'm opening up to the idea of having my own family one day. 

One thing that has never changed is that I know ONE DAY when I can afford a place that is pet friendly, I'll get my Collie Dog. I have wanted one for years and have always spoken about it. I will have a collie dog and a cat - and perhaps a fish... one day. Perhaps I can even get a fish in my new flat from June. Maybe that's a good place to start. A fish.... and a cactus. 

Name suggestions for my future scaley friend welcome in the comments below.