Everything has a meaning.. go and find it.

I realized today that I take my writing far too seriously.

I always want what I write to be polished and perfect. I want it to be something worth reading. Only today, after years of trying to shove my way into the writing world, I realized that the majority of what you write should be junk! If every piece of writing in this world was top notch, we wouldn't know the difference. The bad ideas and thoughts you jot down help you to recognize the good from the bad. The bad ideas and thoughts you jot down are also courageous. It takes true bravery to be creative... I bet every canvas that Picaso slicked paint onto wasn't something to mark down in history!

So here is my advice, from a girl in her early twenties, no one famous or worth remembering just yet; but I will be... one day.

Don't be ashamed of the doodles and mind-maps, don't throw away the scribbles and paragraphs you think to be useless. Don't get yourself into a fluster and scrunch your work up. Keep it. One day, it may just be useful.

I believe that you think of everything for a reason. One day, you'll find use for every one of your ideas; no matter how small or insignificant you think they might be.

So, go out there to a quiet spot that you find to be inspirational. For you it may be the shores of a sandy, shell covered beach like me, or it could be the warm, lush forest with blooming summer flowers surrounding you. It could even be in the comforts of your own home... Just go somewhere that you feel most comfortable and jot down ideas no matter how riduculous you believe them to be...
Oh, and have fun!

Love Always,

Jade

Let The Words Flow From Your Pen Like A River Of Ink...

As you would already know if you are one of my presumably many devoted readers, I have not been in the happiest state of mind recently.

Yesterday, after brewing myself a cup of sweet, delicious tea I sipped away at it patiently, while waiting for the stormy day to draw to a close. Surprisingly the tea perked me up slightly. I could feel my creativity slowly wading out of the darkness that I had stuffed it into for so long.
That tea was like happiness in a cup.

Out of nowhere I found some inspiration to get some 'good' writing done. At last!

After being banished from the kitchen for trying to help chop up some garlic and chilli's - I retreated to the lounge where I let the words flow from my pen like a river of ink.

I cannot spill the beans about what I wrote about just yet... but I definitely think that there is another book in the making somewhere deep down inside of me.

Have a beautiful day, dear readers.

Love always,
Jade

...Let Your Wound Scab Over...

You know when you're having a catastrophic, putrid week and you're not sure where to really begin explaining it...? Well that has been my story for the last couple of days.

I guess I should start from the 13th of January, the day of my last blog post. 

13th January 2012: I had an interview at Bamboo Guest Lodge over my lunch break today. Yes, lunch break - I am still working at Jam Factory until month end. Some might find that cruel, to make me work and see people who had to let me go... but I love it here and it also gives me something to do. Gosh - I sound like I have no life! Alas, the people at Jam Factory just have such a great vibe. They are clean, fun-spirited, intelligent people and associating yourself with such people helps you to grow. I have learnt so much since being a part of their team and I wouldn’t take it back for the world.
Bamboo Guest Lodge is absolutely breath-taking. I parked my car in a cluttered little lot and ventured up a wooden walkway on stilts over a beautifully lush, green garden. I had no idea where the reception was and instantly regretted wearing heels as I had to carefully yank them out from the spaces between the planks. Only me... if its not toppling over my own shoes its walking into a glass door or pushing the door when I should be pulling...
After about a minutes’ walk through the garden, adorned with gorgeous Buddha statues, I found the rustic looking entrance to the reception.
Everyone was so friendly and I was completely overwhelmed by four or five big, excitable canines all wanting to suss me out.
The position that I applied for was a live-in position which was one of the few things putting me off, as I’d been planning on moving into my own little flat this coming May. But with such beautiful scenery, who could really say no?

After getting back to work the accounts lady thrust me the weekly copy of Action Ads where she had kindly circled a job opening for a Spa. So off I went, scrubbing up my CV and trotting over to the fax machine to send it out for what appeared to be the millionth time. Before the day ended, my inbox had a total of one unread message in it. I had no real expectations and thought it was probably junk I’d subscribed to as usual, but it wasn’t!
I organized an interview with Pezula Hotel & Spa for Saturday afternoon as their Spa’s front desk coordinator.

14 January 2012: I woke up extremely early and started planning my outfit for my interview with Pezula. I was dreading putting on a slightly over-sized suit on as it was a cracking 32 degrees once again!
I had butterflies churning my stomach up all day and I wondered why I was so nervous for this interview when yesterday I had winged it at Bamboo Guest Lodge? Then I realized that it is where my best friends ex works. I have a bit of a scrambled history with my best friend but through it all we have stuck by each other and become very close. It is almost as though nothing ever happened between us... And when he found someone that made him as happy as he seemed, I was thrilled for him. Although I never met her, it felt like I had known her for months with the amount he rambled on about her.
Upon arriving for my interrogation session I caught a glimpse of her behind the Spa desk. I introduced myself as Jade, Michael’s friend.  She was not happy to see me; she even rolled her eyes at one point. I was a bit taken aback as Michael had told me what a beautiful soul she has and how kind and caring she is, so for her to have reacted in such a way to me completely threw me off of my game. I think it is almost hypocritical of someone to portray themselves as a spiritual, peaceful person and then turn around and treat someone they have never met before like a parasite. It’s not really like she even had a reason to dislike me… in all fairness I was in his life before her so it should be the other way around, but I was more than willing to be friendly. I never once tried to take him away from her; in fact I had been so excited to meet the person who had managed to suddenly light up his world.... but things ended for them and so the story goes….

As for my interview at Pezula, it went amazingly! For one, working in a Spa would be great experience considering I have just graduated with distinctions from the Beauty Therapy Institute... just another goal ticked off of my checklist!
Pezula also want me to help out in their gym when their trainer wants to go on leave which would also be great experience for me.  I cannot help but feel that for the first time in a long time, my luck has changed.
So I will start my new chapter on the 6^th February just after going to the Up The Creek Music Festival on the Breede River.
Happy Days!

15 January 2012: Shaun Barnard and I split up this afternoon. They say that the truth always comes out in the end… well, in this case, it did. He lied to me about something that I consider very important (before you jump to conclusions, no he did not cheat!)
Our relationship had become exhaustingly rocky over the past few months and this was just the final breaking point.
I wound up in Sedgefield at the beach and had an absolute blast with far too many shooters, cocktails and various other kinds of alcoholic beverages. I guess I was trying to drown away my sorrows. I met some really amazing people today: travelers, surfers, hippy bums, and all sorts with the most interesting life stories. I became quite connected with one kite-surfer in particular, we just clicked.
A wild and blurry night was had.

16 January 2012: Heading back into reality and facing my bruised heart, I just couldn’t man up to go to work today along with a cracker of a hangover.
I went out again this evening with one of the people I met the night before.
It was so refreshing to meet new faces and having the power to be who I have always wanted to be. If you try and 'find yourself' while still associating yourself with the same group of friends, often you end up feeling silly, almost as though they are judging you in some way.
Everything I had always wanted to be and knew I could be really become tangible this evening.
There is no denying that it was great to be around someone closer to my own age as well. I often find that I associate myself with people a lot older than myself, and I end up trying to measure up to their level of maturity. It was so freeing to just be the wild and young twenty year old that I am. I didn’t have to worry about people thinking I was immature. For once, I didn’t feel ashamed about my age.

*

OK so maybe it doesn’t seem like I’ve had the crappiest couple of days. I was offered an amazing job, I met new people and realized being just me is enough (thank God!) but losing a relationship that you were in for a year really takes its toll on you. Shaun became a huge piece of me, probably the largest piece of me actually.
I’m sure sooner or later I will forgive him for his mistakes and we can move forward slowly, one step at a time. But as for now I still need to give the wound time to scab over.

Last Night & Blue Valentine

After my second thrilling yogalates class yesterday evening I decided to settle down with my dog, Miss Elly, who was unfortunately spayed earlier that morning, and watch a movie.

Blue Valentine

I had recently seen a preview for for a film called 'Blue Valentine,' and it seemed like something I would enjoy. From what I had seen and heard it was one of those strange, arty films that leave you thinking.

I spotted a film of a similar style just days before this called, 'Last Night.'
Of course, any film with Keira Knightley in it is bound to be fantastic so I immediately ripped it from the rental stores shelf.
True to its word, it was fantastic.

Last Night

I was biting my nails the whole way through. They portrayed the feeling of utter temptation at its absolute best. Oddly, I found the film to be quite beautiful from Keira's characters side of things. She is completely head over heels for this French guy that she has a past with whom she bumps into while her hubby is out of town on a business trip. From the second you see their eyes meet, you know they love each other heart, body and soul. Meanwhile, her hubby has his own things to deal with as his sexy co-worker, conveniently played by Eva Mendes accompanies him on his trip. Husband and wife are drawn into lust and temptation. This sexy, beautiful and completely un-pausable film is well worth the watch!

Blue Valentine was popped into my DVD player after a refreshing shower and shoving on an over-sized hoodie and stretchy pants. 
This film is about two people, a man and a woman (what a cliche,) but its somehow different.
Ryan Gosling plays a pretty unsuccessful yet optimistic house-mover who catches a glimpse of Michelle Williams, an aspiring doctor, who is visiting her Grandma next door. As if automatically, Ryan is in love. He somehow manages to coax his way into her life and as the film goes back and forth in time you see how they got to the point where they are at now from the very beginning when they first met. 
Both of these films spoke to me.

I am loving my new found taste in film, it is 'real.' I enjoy it because it is not all glitz and glam. Its believable. Its reality.

Spiritual Growth

2012 has not been 'good' to me so far... or perhaps it has. Perhaps I just don't know it yet...

They say everything happens for a reason. Well, I got 'the boot' from work yesterday. I understand why... The fact that I can't speak Afrikaans is a big problem. I wonder why it is that I am so eager to learn languages such as Italian yet the idea of spending my time studying Afrikaans quite frankly makes me want to gag!
In the words of the genius herself, Elizabeth Gilbert, "Every word in Italian is like a truffle," and it is surprisingly true.
In comparison, every Afrikaans word is like a forkful of stale carrot cake - not something that I enjoy or particularly want.
If you are going to have cake, go for a decadent chocolate cake with mountains of rich icing!
They did the whole 'Its not you, its us,' speech, making it sound like a typical breakup though I am pleased that we will be leaving on good terms. 

Although I could whinge and moan and tell you that the start of 2012 has been pretty much disastrous for me so far, I'd like to believe that leaving Jam Factory is giving me the opportunity to find what I am supposed to do with my life. I am seeing it as a blessing in disguise.
Nobody wants to read a morbid blog so instead, I am going to use my sadness of now to fight for happiness.

*

I have decided to pursue yoga to aid me on my path of spiritual growth. I went to my first class over this past weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now that my limbs have finally loosened up my next session is tomorrow night, so hopefully I'll be able to force myself into those riduculously sore stretches!
I have also applied to win a free 200-hour free yogi training course. Not wanting to get my hopes up but secretly checking my mail every ten minutes to see if I have won. It would be the first thing in my life that I have actually won. As I'm going to have a lot of spare time on my hands now until I find yet another job opportunity I can't help but think that maybe this was my blessing is disguise!?

There's this book that I am reading at the moment that my best friend, Michael Berman, insisted that I read called 'The Road Less Traveled,' by Scott Peck. I am literally devouring it and truly recommend it to anyone who is on a path to find peace with themselves and with the world.
It has taught me so much over this past month and has made me see the world in a whole different light.
After that book I managed to pry a copy of, 'The Power of Now,' by Eckhart Tolle from the dusty shelves of a second hand bookstore.
I am desperately praying that it will teach me how to start living in my body in the present and stop me from having this constant worry about the future and dwelling on the past.

To end off my first blog entry for the New Year I'd like to once again bring up my hopes and dreams of traveling to Italy.
The world is 'supposedly' coming to an end at the end of this year according to those blasted Mayan's and if there is a chance that it is true I am going to make sure that I have lived out my dream before such events occur.
I checked the prices of tickets to Italy today. From now until 22nd June this year it is just over R5000 to get a ticket. I still need to figure out how I'm going to afford that along with accommodation fees and extra cash to spoil myself with pasta, gelato, wine, shopping and so much more!
It will happen... I will find a way.