Welcome to Heart Break Street

Feeling so low tonight... I don't know why.

Feels like I'm going to explode into an outrageous flood of tears at any moment.

The roller coaster ride with Michael and I continued for a short while, where I had never felt happier. Although we never put labels to it, he began to treat me as a girlfriend and the smile could never be wiped off my face around him.

I fell.

Madly, truly and deeply in love.

He didn't even have to try, he made me effortlessly happy. But again, family came first, and things had to end.

It shouldn't be so hard. It should be a choice between two people, if it feels right then why not be together!? No one else matters when you know your happy. For once I put myself before all others, but as hard and as determined as I fought, it was not good enough. I'd never fought so hard for anything. I poured my heart and soul out.

I still feel so greatly for him, but I know its over. We can't be together. It's like a modern day Romeo and Juliet. I waited for two months until I eventually realized nothing is ever going to happen. So I moved on, trying to forget my heartache.

We are still friends. We still surf together and we're still off to the Transkei in December, a lot of people tell me its weird, but if they only knew how much Michael and I got along, they would understand. I would rather have him in my while as a friend, than nothing at all. I know nothing is going to happen again, there would be no point because it would just lead me to more heart pain. But friends I can manage.

We never shut up around each other, we always have fun times and adventures, I wouldn't give that up. He's really like a best friend to me. I love him in a way that I want him to be happy, whether it be with someone else, as long as he's happy. I just want him there as a friend above all else.

The pain in my heart surfaces sometimes - like tonight I guess. I feel pathetic and useless, I can't turn to him because I really don't want to harm the relationship I have left with him.

The castles that we built were so tall, it only left is further to fall....

I know my heart will heal, slowly. Its going to take a good while though :(