A Fresh Start

I feel I need to play catch up with ya'll.

I'm not going to bother saying how super sorry I am for not only not updating Bohemian Muses in a while but also for being so slack at reading your blogs..... Sometimes things just get crazy in life. Chaos erupts and you just need to take a bit of a breather. 

Things have been going crazy this side of the globe. 

I said that already didn't I? 

Let me fill you in:

When I was born, I was blessed with a brother who is four years older than I am. On Thursday last week we celebrated his 27th year of life. He made it that far... who would have guessed!? With barely a scratch. A few broken bones and busted liver along the way... to be honest I don't think he's done too badly. 

Today, a chilly and stormy Saturday, we are celebrating his aging in style with a little birthday party.  I'm sitting at work right now (in the art gallery) and shivering away while a massive storm is rolling in outside - counting down the hours for when I can uncork a bottle of red and scoff my face with salt and vinegar crisps. 

SO healthy.. I know. 

Don't judge me. 

I try..... a bit.

I think I will be heading out on some travels again soon. It has been nearly a year now since I last stepped out of South Africa and it is slowly and painfully killing me. 

For those of you who don't know this about me, travel is my life. It is my True Love, so to speak. 

But, as with everything in life, traveling costs MONEY. So I have been working my little tush off for the better part of this past year to be able to venture back out into the world and gain some more experience from what this beautifully majestic place has to offer.

I'm not going to be disclosing information as to WHERE I'll be jet-setting off to just yet - as there are plenty of things that need to be said and explained first. But in all good time, my friends, the world shall be my oyster!

Let me start from the beginning - which is where this unstoppable force to move on with my life started:

I went on a date with a bearded fellow recently. 

My date with said bearded fellow went great. 

We went to this cozy little pub and sat next to a crackling fireplace and spoke non stop for hours. We then traipsed to a video rental store and got the absolute WORST movie in the history of films.. I've forgotten the title now, but it was a horror, in more ways than one. We then went back to his beautiful log cabin that he built himself, with the movie and a bottle of red wine in tow and snuggled up on his couch. After a few more hours of more talking, we fell asleep and the next day he woke me up with tea and a biscuit. We then parted ways. Nothing happened besides a delicate little kiss - and it felt great. To be treated like a woman and not feel pressurized into doing anything you aren't really ready for yet. 

He said he wanted to see me again but he's JUST gotten out of a three year relationship and the wound is still quite raw. He doesn't want to hurt her by moving on so quickly which is understandable and he doesn't know if he's entirely ready either to just jump straight back into something.
So although we were supposed to see each other last Friday night, that was cancelled and I haven't seen him since.

Instead, last Friday evening I went out to a bar with two of my very best friends and that's when my world changed forever. 

There's this 50 year old (well, he looks that ancient anyway) gay 'man' who lives in this tiny town of ours and at the bar we were all at he had apparently had a fight with his Toy-Boy a little earlier on. One of my friends knows the guy and went up to say hi... after a few minutes I also went up to the table and said hello and this gay man (who also has a HUGE reputation for drug abusing and trouble-making!) started calling me awful names repeatedly. I don't know him from a bar of soap at all and was really shocked. I could see that he was very drunk though so I backed away, put my hands up and said, "Have a good night!" A little later I returned to the table, completely ignoring him and wanting to tell my friend something. As I was walking away after talking to my friend he shot up from his seat and punched me through the face four times. As soon as my friend managed to get him off of me, the guy ran away and didn't even pay his bill. The swelling and the bruising was immediate but only worsened as the night progressed. I have a black eye, a bruised jaw and a swollen lip.
I told my dad when I got home and of course my dad went MAD. Who wouldn't if someone beats their daughter up?? We went to his house to confront him but he was too scared to come out... so we filed a case against him. It's now being investigated by the police and he's claiming I attacked him and jumped on his back and  scratched his face!! It's so stupid because if I had managed to leave a mark on him I'd be pretty proud to admit it. He is claiming that he elbowed me in the face accidentally! He's lying through his teeth and I just cannot believe it. BUT I have witnesses plus I went to a doctor to get a written letter to prove it was definitely caused from a fist several times.
So now there is a summonings on the 12th of August..... aiiii....... drama drama :(
I just hope that he gets what he deserves.

SO anyway... I've decided that I am pretty over this town, and this country. So I am busy looking into relocating and having a fresh start. It's really heart breaking to be leaving my animals... but it wouldn't be forever. I'd like to just try it, get some experience for 6 months or so at first. Plus, to be blunt, someone recently told me that 'Animals don't give you experience'. It's harsh, but true. My animals are my children, I love them endlessly but you cannot base your entire existence and future around them. They will be in good hands with my family anyway, which is what they are used to anyway.
 

I have friends and family in the country I am thinking about heading to anyway, which funnily enough is no where I have ever previously had any interest in visiting.... there may also just be a British blue eyed man with the most rugged accent I have ever heard there and he has said I could crash with him and over the past two days we have been exchanging text messages and flirting a fair bit :) 

We've been mates for a while though so who knows where the world will take me.
Being single is fun but I am so ready to BE with someone.. spoil someone and fall in love, slowly, carelessly and happily. I just want to focus on Right Now. Not the future. I don't want to put pressure on anything in life, particularly relationships. In the past I'd always be in this massive hurry to meet 'The One' and plan a big future together but that isn't how it should be. I've learned that now. I just want to focus on solely falling in love with someone - and let it take its course.

So watch this space...

As for right now, I'm just enjoying my life with my good friends and looking forward to all of the chaos blowing over.

I am looking forward to a new and interesting start across the globe... 

To just Be.

Reading the most incredible book right now (book review to follow soon,) called Into the Wild by Jon Kraukeur, I stumbled across the most beautiful quote - and it has really inspired me to take that leap into the unknown and start anew:

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a person than a secure future. The very basic core of a persons living spirit is their passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no greater joy than an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." 

Counting Sheep...

For the past year or so I have been having the worst trouble with sleeping.

I fall asleep easily - but as soon as the clock strikes between 12 - 3am I am wide awake. so as soon as I fall back asleep I have barely shut my eyes again before my alarm rings violently throughout the room.

 

I'm the sort of person that tries to do everything naturally.

I refuse to take pain killers if I can help it, am extremely stubborn against anti-biotics unless it is 100% necessary and even vitamin supplements are things foreign to me.

 

Therefore, there is no option to take on board sleeping tablets.

I'm completely against them.

 

The first thing you need to do is figure out why you're waking up during the nights or early mornings, particularly if you notice a pattern in the times you're waking up.

 

I went onto this website which gave me a chart of throughout 24 hours and lets you know where your problem lies.

 

(mine apparently being in the liver.... which probably isn't far off! I found this chart scarily accurate. Not only does it correlate for me the liver, but also portrays anger, frustration and resentment which I am not in the least bit shy to admit I suffer with from my past): 

 

 

 

Furthering my research to get me to sleep through the night or simply help me fall back asleep easily... this post is a helpful list that I compiled together in order to hopefully assist you with natural sleeping remedies:

 

• Develop a Routine: going to bed at a certain hour each night will put your body into recognition with it. You will become used to the pattern.
• Get Your Full 8 Hours: Studies have shown that everyone 18 and older need at least 8 hours sleep a night.
    
• Make a Lavender Sachet and Place it Under Pillow: Lavender has a relaxing effect on your body and will help you to feel sleepy.
• Exercise: Get those endorphins flowing. Exercise will give you energy throughout the day and is also a fabulous form of annihilating any depressive symptoms you may suffer from.
• No Nightcaps: I didn't know this before beginning my research, but apparently as much as a glass of wine helps you to drift off at night, by the time the alcohol wears off it wakes you back up and makes it difficult for you to fall back to sleep.
• So instead of a Nightcap, go for Chamomile!
• No Smoking: I'm sure you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that smoking is BAD for your health.  
• Cut Back on the Caffeine.
• Look Carefully at Your Diet: Eliminate foods / drinks that are actually harmful to your sleep, such as protein rich and high-fat foods. They are hard to digest.
• Go Black: Your brain needs complete darkness to be able to know it is time for sleep. If there is light of any form, it triggers something to wake you back up.
  For the past few months I've needed a light in the hallway to remain on at night after a bad experience, so in a situation like this I'd suggest that you leave the light on and just have a sleeping mask over your eyes so if you hear anything at night and need to look around, you can just slip the mask off and the room around you will be visible.
• Temperature Control: I love my electric blanket and hot water bottle, but overheating can really effect your sleeping! So instead of switching on the heat to the max, rather just wear warmer clothing or have an extra blanket when you're cold.  
• Music: Some people like to listen to relaxing music to fall asleep. Rain, wind, water are common noises that ease people into sleep.
  For me, I'd recommend Enya. It always works for me.
• Don't keep your cellphone and other electronics close to your bed: Electronics will distract you. You'll be woken up with a message or a flashing light. Cellphones also emit radiation which makes it harder for you to reach a state of deep sleep.
  I use my phone as an alarm clock so what I do in this instance is keep it across the room at night, not only does that help the prevent the radiation but it also makes me get up in the mornings to turn the alarm clock off!!
• Read: I read every night before I go to bed. It really helps me to relax and get drowsy. That's not to say the books I read are boring!! But reading can be so calming as well as aiding to escape your own thoughts for a while.

 

 Now that I've given you some great tips and advice to help assist you to sleep better tonight, feel free to share some of your own tricks that have helped you throughout your restless nights!

Sleep well!

A Case of You | Movie Review

I know this is cliche, but I kind of love movies based on quirky girls with pixie hair-cuts and a vintage fettish. 

I also adore movies based on writers, considering I am one and all.

I've also never been disappointed by anything starring Evan Rachel Wood - so for me, this movie was a must see. It seemed to be the complete package - and you know what, it didn't disappoint. 

Sam (Justin Long), spends his days writing novels in a local Brooklyn coffee shop and falls for a quirky barista called Birdie (Evan Rachel Wood). 

She doesn't seem to notice him so when all else fails, he reverts to her Facebook page and scopes out all of her interests, transforming himself into what he'd like to believe is her 'Dream Man.' From French cuisine, judo and strumming on a guitar - Sam does everything to win her heart.

When Birdie does fall for Sam's ploy, he must now keep up the tiring façade to keep her. 

The situation is both drastically sad for him but also fabulous, as he manages to gain inspiration for a new book from his time with her. He writes a memoir of their time together and I for one think that it was really a very special film.

Wood and Long have an undeniable on-set chemistry that is so likable and easy to watch. The concept is great and it focuses on a lot of current society-driven issues. Love, not being good enough, trying to be good enough... you name it - and to top it all off, it's done with the perfect sprinkle of humor.

I wouldn't go as far as to say this movie WOW-ed me silly - but it was good. 

There's also a few appearances of the much love Vince Vaughn who plays Sam's crude and appalling publisher. 

Peter Dinklage (from Game of Thrones) makes a brilliantly creepy role as Birdie's gay co-worker too which had me in fits of laughter.

 Have you seen any good movies lately? 

I'd love some recommendations.

Happily Ever After by Harriet Evans | Book Review

"At twenty-two, Eleanor Bee is sure about three things: she wants to move to London and become a literary superstar, she wants to be able to afford a to buy a coffee and croissant every morning, and she doesn't believe in happy endings. Ten years on, and Elle's life has changed in ways she could never have predicted. Because the past has a funny way of catching up with you, and Happily Ever After comes in all shapes and sizes."

This is the second Harriet Evans book that I am both reading and reviewing. The first book I read of hers also happened to be my first book review on this blog back in May 2012 : I Remember You by Harriet Evans | Book Review

Her first book completely underwhelmed me and I had no intention of ever reading her work again. That being said, I had absolutely no idea that it was the same author when I picked up this book in the shop.

I read the back and it stood out to me as something that I would really enjoy considering it was the perfect cocktail mixture.
A dash of London.
A twist of New York.
A sprinkle of the glamorous world of the publishing industry.
A slice or two of the sweet and sourness of sex and relationships.
And a hearty lug of real life problems that one can easily relate to.

So I bought it without even realizing it was the same author I had previously picked apart!

Once I had figured it out (it took me a while,) I found that I was really pleasantly surprised. 

I adored the way she described every intricate detail so beautifully - though at times I felt like because the book was written over a series of years through the key characters life, that the author slid in a lot of unnecessary things relating to the year in which the chapter was supposed to be based on. That was its only downfall - oh; and it be brutally honest I must admit that the key character did annoy me a bit. She seemed clueless to me at times - not a 'strong' heroine to me nor someone I'd look up to even when she was reveling in her successes.

I couldn’t have read this book at a better time in my life – I probably say that about the majority of books I read but I guess that you pick up exactly what you need to from every book you come across.

This book takes you all throughout Elle’s life, from the dreaded days of teenage school life all the way up to her thirties.

It touches on the years in between those times, on the trials and hardships she faces as well as the successes and saucy secrets of an independent female.

It takes you on a journey from a messy, sporadic girls situation in life where she can barely afford lunch - where she is practically bowing down to those she works with (sound familiar to anyone???), she's at the bottom of the food chain… to blossoming into a woman. 

A woman with power and confidence. 

A woman who inevitably still has problems – like we all do.That's a good message I picked up from this book.

As a woman in my mid-twenties, falling out of bed at 7am each morning and procrastinating against gym, then feeling guilty and doing squats in the shower while brushing my teeth at the same time; scarpering around the gallery I work for making coffee for everyone and typing out the bosses handwritten letters – it was a perfect read.

It’s just a great book to read when you’re at that sort of stage in your life; just trying to get by. 

Neither here nor there. 

Dreaming of something big but needing to make ‘Right Now’ work as best you can.

It reminds you that you have no idea where you’ll be a year from now – even a month from now.

Every tiny thing that happens in life, sets you on a different course that you could never have thought of. 

No one knows where they’ll end up. 

And that’s the beauty and the excitement of life.   

 

Even in our darkest moments - there will be light at the end of the tunnel. 

Even Cinderella eventually got her happy ending...

July Through the Years

WARNING: This post is extremely honest - perhaps a little too honest. 

Have you ever gone back in your blogging history and seen more-or-less what your interests, your concerns, your overall views and opinions were on things roughly the same date as today, all those years ago?

2013: 

Looking back, a year ago on this day I was right amidst my European tour and posting incredible travel posts to you all on a regular basis. A year ago on this day, I was recapping on Florence in Italy.
The post was popular, funny, exciting and well detailed.

I was traveling to mend a broken heard - to find freedom and independence after a 2 year relationship turned sour.

Time in Florence

2012: 

A year before that, 2012 my writing had seemed to hit somewhat of a standstill. I wrote one post in July two years ago... ONE POST!?! That's unheard of for me anymore - now, I feel bad if I miss three bloody days between posts!!

I think it was July of 2012 when my blog was really starting to get some form of attention. I started to really know how to interact with other bloggers - found new and exciting people and interacted with them. It was a long and slow process but it got me to where I am today.

I wouldn't say my blog is big, but my 328 follows on GFC and 102 on Bloglovin is something I'm super duper proud of and I try as hard as I can to keep in touch with as many people as possible. That's the point isn't it??? I couldn't bare just following someone for the sake of it and not actually communicatign with them. That would be so impersonal.

Oh - one HILARIOUS thing in my only post back in 2012 was saying that I had, 'finished my first novel entitled Walk With Me'..... BWAHAHAHAHA. I must have been on drugs. Or up in the clouds.
Two years have come and gone now and I still feel like it isn't finished and needs a lot of work - but at least this year I finally actually got it published - and people are reading it!

The second novel is coming along amazingly too. I'm now on chapter eight and it's just so beautiful. I am in love with my second book and cannot wait to see that bound and available to you all too!

Two years ago in July I also had a dream... a dream about a pink suitcase. 

I had this insane urge to travel. Who would have guessed that I actually did something about that urge? Two years on and I've hopped onto a ferry and crossed over to France, climbed the Eiffle Tower, gone up the Jungfrau Mountain in Switzerland, lost all my money at the Monaco casino, chucked coins into the Trevi fountain in Rome, ridden a Gondola in Venice, eaten a Tuscan steak in Florence, seen the Berlin Wall, cycled through the Englischer Gartens in Munich, had a tattoo done in Prague, wondered around Anne Frank's house and seen in sex show in Amsterdam, eaten Lobster and gotten ridiculously sunburnt in Zanzibar, Tanzania. The list is endless.
I'm so unbelievably proud of myself for accomplishing some of my many life dreams... and I'm not about to stop now. There is still SO much that I want to do in life. 

The Pink Suitcase and Other Stories.

2011:

Further back, three years ago in 2011 - a boy told me that they loved me. Now, for the record, that ship has long since sailed. But the story about how he confessed his love for me was hilarious and my response to it still absolutely mortifies me!

Read Jade's Most Embarrassing Moment: Here

Oh and if you did read that, you'll be delighted to know that my two friends that I'd recently hooked up in that post are still very much in love and I think I may actually hear the faint sounds of wedding bells playing somewhere........... and I hooked them up. 

Call me Cupid.

2011 was also when Walk With Me was first starting to be created. I was writing like a maniac however and wherever I could. I'd never have guessed it to have taken three years to be a book I am holding in my hands today though. 

Sometimes, dreams really do come true.

2010: 

Then there was 2010. Four years ago. What a crazy thought. Even crazier is that on the 1st of July 2010 was the day that my Grandfather went into a coma. 

I'd found solace in one of my favorite songs by The Doors - This is the End.

I guess it seemed quite fitting at the time.

It's a pretty morbid post but if you'd like to see where my head-space was during that time, here's the link:

 Grand-Dad's Coma

And today - my July of 2014... where am I and what am I doing with my life? Who knows.... that's probably not the answer people expect, but it's the truth. I have no idea where I'm going nor what I'm doing. 

I'm working at an art gallery and it is amazing. It is the best job that I have ever had in my life. I still reside in the tiny town of Knysna - though since avoiding the night clubs and lame ass clicks around this place, it isn't as bad a place as I'd once thought. 

To be honest, I'm a bit of a loner these days. I do my own thing. Enjoy reading, cooking (usually pasta.. with a serious over usage of chilli's,) I'm listening to beautiful indie music like City and Color... and I'm single. Or am I? No... 

I'm not taken. 

I'm not single.

I'm simply on reserve for the one that deserves my heart.... and vice versa. 

I don't think I'll be ready to say those petrifying three words, 'I love you,' to anyone in a very long time. 

I guess, thinking about it, I used to always be in this major rush to have a relationship grow. I wanted marriage and kids and settling down..... but now my mindset as changed. 

As much as it freaking sucks balls to be the only person in my family without a scrabble partner or a charades team mate and as much as I HATE seeing in love couples cuddling up and strolling hand-in-hand wherever I go.... I just want to learn to love myself again before I can even think about loving someone else. 

I lost myself for a while. 

I hit a serious stage of depression, I'm not going to lie.. and to be honest, I'm still in it. 

I wanted desperately to be loved and wanted. I hated myself. I hated looking at myself in the mirror because I felt ugly. Either I was too skinny, or too tubby around my tummy.. I could never reach a place where I was 'happy'. I was too pale or too red or too much or too little of something. 

I hated the sound of my own voice, couldn't stand my tangly hair or dark rings under my eyes. I hated my own thoughts and as much as I tried, I just couldn't find happiness. 

I'm still struggling with all of this. Society has these insane ideas about who you should be and it swallowed me up whole for a really long time. 

I was never good enough. Never pretty enough. Never smart enough or rich enough. I was never just enough.

Throughout the years, the world hasn't necessarily been unkind to me. I have it great actually. Barring a family suffering with alcoholism and general bouts of pure craziness - we all have some sort of issue, do we not??? 

So this is me... 

A miss no body that only craved love but at the same time was so scared of it that I mucked every chance of being loved and being happy up... it's no one else's fault but my own. 

I have screwed my life up for myself and now, I need to fix it. 

This emotional turmoil has given a big beating to my soul and now it is time to open a can of Jade whoop-ass on it and fight back. 

I just want to get to a good place - and I feel being honest with first and foremost, myself, and all of you.. that I'll get there. 

Of course I don't expect any of you to actually read this stuff properly - what are you? My intercontinental psychologist??? 

I'm lost.

I'm in this awful black abyss and I really am trying to get out and save myself - which is hard when you don't even know who you really are. 

I know I'm a good person. A good person that has made some terrible mistakes in life - and believe me, I have suffered for them. 

So... yeah.. maybe this time next year I'll look back and finally be at peace. If I even get there. 

Who knows.... who knows. 

Here's to another year of spiritual enlightenment, growth and finding yourself.