Fifty Shades of Freed by E L James | Book Review

Thank fuck it's over. 

I can (un)proudly say that I have completed the Fifty Shades Trilogy - and as quickly as I snapped the last book shut, all three of them swiftly landed in the 'Throw Away,' pile.

Look - they aren't HORRENDOUS. I suppose the story-line is kind of intriguing and all that but I just can't get over the repetitive 'cocking his head to one side,', 'oh my's!' and 'Holy Fuck's!' the pages are filled with.

It takes a lot to piss me off - but this will do it.

Reading about the life of a nymphomaniac is not as interesting as it may seem.

For those of you who may have been living under a rock for the last while and need a little updating on the whole Fifty Shades thing... the basic story-line is this:
SPOILER ALERT!!
Ana Steele stumbles helplessly (as she does,) into Christian Grey's office when she tries to help her best friend out by interviewing him for an article. Christian Grey is loaded - in more ways than one.... and if you know anything about this book and you didn't smirk at that then you have absolutely no humor at all. Just saying.
Anyway - yes, the guys some big shot, multi-billionaire that loves to dominate women. He used to have 'Subs' that would sign contracts with him and practically be his sexual slaves which is pretty much what he forced sweet little, innocent Ana into at first, But the girls got balls.... and he falls for it big time.
He likes the challenge she brings forward for him and so he changes his ways - insert knee-trembling 'awwwww' sounds here.
The two get married - get attacked, get pregnant, get attacked again.. there's kidnappings and guns, accusations and fights and drama, saucy ass sex scenes, safe-words, playrooms, butt-plugs and tears and snot etc etc etc.... It is a roller-coaster of mangled never ending events that makes you keep wondering what on earth happens next.
Got to hand it to E L James - she knows how to hook you one way or another.

I'll admit that the first book was pretty cool because the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon was so fresh and new - we'd never really read anything like it. Slowly but surely however, you realize all Christian Grey wants to do is fuck. Ana isn't much better - in between talking about her weird subconscious  and 'Inner bloody Goddess' and playing this sweet little innocent act, I just want to throttle her. 

Urgh. 

Hated it. 

Hated it, hated it, hated it. 

It's one of those really annoying books that really does have SOMETHING that hooks you though!!! Whether it be crazy psychopaths trying to murder Mr. Rich Sex Addict or sexually assaulting the God awful Anastasia Steele - E.L. James does sneakily know how to reel you in. Urgh. Urgh - and URGH. 

I don't know why I even bothered to read them if I'm honest - but once I've started something I HAVE to finish it. It's a really annoying trait of mine when it comes to reading a book. 

I'm still pretty interested and perhaps even slightly excited to see the first Fifty Shades film which gets released in February next year. What a hilarious film to watch for Valentine's Day. Bwahahaha. Sorry - I just cannot contain my twisted side.

Here's the trailer to Fifty Shades of Grey:

Spicy, right!?

Something tells me that with the right actors and director, this book may just be salvageable.

Have you read it or do you intend to? What were your thoughts? 

Will you be one of those people queuing at the cinema, dying to see HOW this could possibly be filmed without being classified as porn?

I know I will be - peer pressured I tell you. 

And to end this post - I thought I'd share a sneak peak as to what I will be starting to read now that E L James is out of my life:

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. 

I am so excited to read this book before I see the film and I have read some pretty great reviews on it too. I'm in the mood for something a bit creepy and thrilling. 

Something with a bit of 'umph.'

Have any of you read this???? 

I'd love your thoughts and opinions.