Its all heading in the right direction.....

Where do I begin? It has only been a week since my last entry and already so many amazing things have happened...

My relationship with Shaun is really blossoming or as he would say, 'heading in the right direction...' It feels as though I've both known him and been with him for much longer than a few weeks now. He's everything that I've ever wanted in a man and more! He's sweet and caring, thoughtful and over all he just makes me feel so comfortable and special.

We've done so many amazing things together already and made some really special memories. We spent a weekend away together at a farm in Harkerville, we've spent a Friday night in with pizza and a bottle of red wine, we've hiked up to Drupkelders and swam in their beautiful rock-pools and we've taken a lovely sunset walk along Buffalo Bay Beach.

I get butterflies every time I look at him.

Some things that make him so different from everyone else is just how genuine and thoughtful he is. We went for an adventure in the forest with a six pack of Hunters Dry and got talking about places we want to go to, I mentioned a place near Plettenburg Bay, its a restaurant up in the tree tops and he told me he'd actually been thinking about taking me there for my birthday. Its just the little things he says and does that really take my breath away. Even if we don't end up going to this restaurant in May, its the thought that counts!

I feel so lucky to have met him and I must admit that I haven't been this happy in a long time....

OK, now off the topic of my amazing relationship with my amazing guy.... I have entered Miss Zanzibar 2011. I am competing against 9 other stunning and confident girls and at first I was really feeling nervous and basically ruining the entire experience for myself. Now though, I've decided that the best attitude is to go into this thing without getting my hopes up, try my absolute hardest and if I don't win then I will clap and cheer for whoever does!

Wish me luck!

Fingers crossed!

Will update you all soon,

Jade

Don't punish me for being happy.

So far March has been a busy month. There have been many tears shed, hearts hurt and overwhelming confusion.

Funie and I drew things to a close on the third of March, it was a Thursday night and I'd told him to meet me at Cafe Mario's because we needed to talk about why our relationship had suddenly turned so differently to how it had been in the beginning. I am not going to go into great detail about the words we exchanged over dinner that night but what I can say is that he agreed with them and after realizing that neither of us could carry on in the situation, we shared a nice dinner and made the mature decision to keep the friendship.

At first it was strange sleeping alone again, considering that we had practically begun living together over the last two months. I'd wake up at 3am after tossing and turning restlessly and not be able to fall back asleep - but eventually having some 'me' time again, it was starting to become more enjoyable.

My first Friday of being single was definitely a whirlwind. Both Funie and Michael were at Oyster Catcher in the same group as I was, where we were all conversing over drinks. There had been someone that gave me butterflies every time I saw him for a while now and he was also at Oyster Catcher. I don't know why I felt something so strong between this guy, it was as though a jolt of electricity was shocked through me every time I saw him. I didn't act on my feelings yet though because I knew it was far too soon.

A few more days past and I was getting fidgety, all I wanted was to be with this guy. The thing that made everything worse was that on the Saturday, after the Oyster Catcher, I decided to finally quit smoking. I had been wanting to quit for a very long time but after finding out my dog could possibly have cancer of the throat, after a very close friend of mine passed away due to cancer on the 2nd of February and after my grandfather also passed away from cancer - I finally had my wakeup call. I can't deny that it was also much easier to make this decision while being single, as every one of my boyfriends have been smokers. Luckily for me, the guy that was now taking up every thought in my head, is not a smoker.

Another thing that I decided to quit was waitressing at East Heads Cafe. It was taking up all of my time, time lost that I could have spent writing my book. Right now I would rather be broke as hell and dedicating every second to my book than somewhere that doesn't really even appreciate me.

I started to get lonely and went out by myself for a night of drinking. I thought it would be quiet but the bar I went to had some big birthday party going on with a whole crowd that I knew. I was gladly welcomed to join in the party and got extraordinarily pissed to put it lightly. The loneliness and alcohol was a terrible combination and somehow I found myself sitting on the beach on Leisure Island in the pouring rain, ALONE, sobbing my heart out.

The very next night, the guy that I'd been dreaming of for days now, finally made his move. It was thundering and raining heavily and we could do nothing but hold each other closely, finally content. His name is Shaun and he is such a sweet and caring guy. There are so many sides to him and things to learn. He's both a scuba diver and a great cook, he's an animal lover and enjoys most things outdoors...... I went to a farm out in Hakerville with him for a weekend and he cooked all of the amazing food. It was great having a weekend away from Knysna and away from all of the chaos.

On the Monday night we went out to celebrate a friend's 25th birthday and sometime throughout the night he told me over a drink that he had been thinking about changing his status on facebook to what it should be. I got the biggest wave of butterflies rushing through my stomach after that and I smiled at him, truly happy...

Once our relationship was made public, obviously people started to talk. I got people commenting on how fast it was and so on. It was fast and I know this, but when you find something that

makes you as happy as Shaun makes me, you need to seize the moment or you might lose your chance forever.......

I never wanted to hurt anyone in the process, but it was pretty much inevitable that some people would get hurt no matter how we handled things.

All I can say to those hurt is that I really am truly and deeply sorry

and no hurt was intentional.

For a while, I felt like an absolute jerk and hated myself for hurting people but eventually I had to let it go.

I'm hoping that one day, those hurt can understand, there was no cheating or shoving it in anyone's faces, I tried so hard to make everything OK and apologized profusely for days on end but it wasn't enough to get them to forgive me for what I did.

I handled the situation in the best possible way that I could and I lost someone that could have been a great friend in the process but the spark I feel between Shaun and I was something I had to pursue regardless of the consequences and even though I am sad to lose someone from my life, I am happy that I pursued it.

Peace and love

Jade

Don't like my Blog? Then don't read it. Simple.

Apologies for the early morning rant.... but it must be done.

It appears that some people are overly sensitive about my blog and have somehow found the time in their life to actually read it! (That is the first sign of knowing that you need a life!) An old friend of mine stumbled across a paragraph about her somewhere throughout these blog entries about how I think that she is wasting her money after winning R10'000.

To me, a blog is basically paragraphs after paragraphs of someones personal opinions and if you are not happy with them, don't read them! Besides, re-reading what I wrote, I found absolutely nothing bitchy or mean. All I found was my personal opinion about how she spends her R10'000. Which I had told her to her face after she came back from the first day of her card being activated with a whole bunch of random materialistic things that she wanted but didn't need! Stuff that she has either probably already lost or lost interest in already! My only point was that if you have a R10'000 spending card just GIVEN to you that is valid until 2013, spend it wisely! She's swiping her card daily like the worlds really going to come to an end in 2012!!!

Re-reading what I wrote, I nearly died from laughter inside, which is scientifically impossible but a funny thought nonetheless.

She sent me this seriously petty and childish email saying how she cannot believe that I wrote about her in my blog and ESPECIALLY that I said she was wasting her money... 'not cool,' I quote.

After reading the email I rolled my eyes and sighed, replying quite simply, 'get over it.' This reply however, was certainly NOT the one she had in mind and wrote back to me in furious immaturity calling me the....... 'B' word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my Gosh! I am so hurt! (insert sarcasm here) Did she really expect me to apologize?

Anyway, I told her that she was being childish and that she was just looking for a reason to fight and I told her I wasn't going to play her game. If two friends don't fight in this town for a maximum of a fortnight, it seems they go rabid and start poking at anyone to cause a rough and tumble. It is entertaining to watch how people really do get sucked into this town and cause drama out of nothing.

So where was I? Oh yes, standing my ground of not fighting with her...... "I don't want to fight, I'm not you Jade!" was the next thing she wrote to me... Hmm... now this reply really did confuse the hell out of me. Where was one scrap of this girls logic here???

Dumbfounded, I typed back dubiously... "Then why did YOU email me? and why did YOU start calling me ugly names?"

I mean really, what a contradiction..

Well, it appears she did not appreciated being proven wrong and after reading that message she blocked me! WELL DONE! :)

Again.... it baffles me how some people's minds work.

It is simple. Don't like me blog? Don't read it.

Waitressing

Why is it that the average person would choose waitressing as a last resort? As though it was a simple task, a quick and easy way to earn some cash... Quick? Maybe... at times. Easy? Keep dreaming.

Perhaps it is different in some cafe's / restaurants, but in the upper class, prestigious and successful ones, being a waitress is a hard job to take on!

In the cafe that I have joined up with, you are expected to know everything, from the ingredients needed to make every sauce to the ingredients to make every cocktail. Yesterday, I spent my day behind the East Heads Cafe bar. I spent 8 hours learning how to make all the cocktails. The barman, Brian, commented that being a waitress 'here' (let's not stereotype all food industries to be this hard) is like being back at school. I honestly believe that I have studied more in this past week than I did throughout the whole of Matric!

That aside, it is a lovely industry to be a part of. Besides when you are hungry, then it is pure torture! Your eyes are locked on this amazing food, that either someone else eats or gets chucked in the bin and your left thinking, "what a waste!" I'm not one for picking off the plates at the left overs that we bring back into the kitchen, but it does happen! I've seen more than one of my fellow waiters have a nibble... It grosses me out. That was someone else's food.... They could have coughed all over it, spat it out etc etc and they are happily plopping it into their mouths out of sight from the cameras!

That's another thing - East Heads is over-run with mini camcorders. The owner and manager are able to watch our every move so there is no such thing as slacking off.

I was leaning on the counter in the kitchen, waiting for a piping hot plate of food to deliver to a guest and our owner came up to me and said if he ever catches me standing like that again, he'll send me home forever! - Tough industry!

Everyone I know seems to think that waitressing is for people who cannot get a 'real' job, or are to stupid to get one. In reality, I have worked harder and learnt more in this last week than I ever have with all of my previous jobs combined!

Catching up and Connections.....

Well, its another Leap Year... And its going fast! Tomorrow we will be heading into March! Thankfully and gradually through a substantial amount of horrible time, I found a job. But for once I am going to write my blog in order and not get ahead of myself.

So where were we? Ah yes - Valentines Day...

Unfortunately there is nothing to brag about on my blog about my 2011 Valentines. Funie and I were both flat broke for the majority of February so we kept things simple. We ordered Thai Takeouts, watched a DVD and fell asleep early. I did surprise him with a back massage with Janet at Body Essence, but he only got it on the 19th.

I went for numerous amounts of interviews, all of which turned out to be massive let downs. Most of them were all based around commission and another ridiculous one wanted my hours to be 7pm - 7am!!! (and the salary wasn't even handsome!)

I feel for everyone out there looking for a job, especially in Knysna! It is extremely dense and difficult to find one! You have literally got to lie your way through every job interview and tell them anything and everything that they want to hear for them to even to consider you being applicable for the position.

Well, I've pretty much always done that to secure a job..... I guess most people do right? You tell them stuff like your weaknesses are that you are a perfectionist etc... You don't go and say: 'Well, sometimes I'm just not in the mood to work and I get really grumpy when I don't eat or haven't slept enough........."

After a rough couple of days, Michael told me he'd spend the day with me and try to cheer me up. Funie was working and as I'd spent an uncountable number of days at home behind my computer screen writing my latest novel, I jumped at the chance to get out and have some fun with a good friend.

We were half way through driving to Plett, after saying we were just going to 'drive' and see where the road takes us while listening and singing along to music in his jeep, when we accidently hit a baby baboon. Michael nearly cried and it was completely awful. I made him turn the car around so we could see if the poor thing was OK but it was gone. The mother had picked it up and ran off into the bush, so ever since I've just been hoping that we just ran over its foot or something and that it will eventually heal :(

We tried hard to forget about it and went for a long surf, I don't mean to brag, but I ROCKED! I know to bystanders I still look like a beginner surfer and so on, but I can feel the difference and improvements every day! It feels amazing! One day I'll look good too, but for now, just feeling good and learning is enough for me!

I finally found a job at East Heads Cafe, a local cafe by a beautiful tourist destination in Knysna. Its absolutely fantastic to have such an amazing view to look at when I'm at work, and I get so many compliments from our guests. I'm pretty sad that my time has been taken away from my writing, I think I was really getting somewhere with it. Now though, I'm far too tired to write when I get home from work.

I get one 'off-day' a week, so I'm planning on using those days to write in. I work through weekends now too, so its almost as though I don't have one which I can't deny is shitty... but right now I need the cash so I'm going to have to suck it up until something better comes along.

*

The below is just a little paragraph of writing I wrote; about connections:

How often is it that you feel a strong sparkling connection with someone? I've barely ever felt that instant surge of complete attraction, so when I feel it, I know it must mean something special. I've obviously felt instant attraction to someone; where you think someone is gorgeous and you wouldn't mind getting to know them better. But some sparks, rare ones, are different. You feel that, but on a whole other level. Its like your finger tips burn for just one touch, your eyes are glued and your heart is pulsating ten times faster than the norm.... When I felt that connection, time stopped and movement stopped all in one... Then reality comes rushing back to you and you wonder insecurely if they feel it too; and you wonder what the hell you should do.... What would you? If you felt that, would you fight for it, regarding all consequences? Or would you try to forget and always wonder, what if???