And So Ends A Very Interesting Month

Evening bloggers!

... I literally have no words to explain how amazing these past couple of weeks have been!

Had crazy soccer fever! Watched millions of matches (on the television unfortunately!), cheered my ass off and lets just say my liver is in need of some serious TLC! Poor organs been used and abused!

My Grandpa was given 24 hours to live about 3 days ago, and I got really depressed. Turned my phone off and drove hours off into the mountains for the day, then booze eventually lured me back to Knysna! When I turned my phone back on the next day, I didn't have any bad news awaiting me (just a splitting headache!) so I got curious and ventured home... HE'S STILL LIVING!!!!!!! Touch wood!! He was so bad that he couldn't even communicate and now although his body is frail, he's amazingly strong on the inside!!! He's an amazing man for struggling through the agony like this! I know I should want him not to suffer, but I can't deal with a part of me dying right now. I'll be so wrecked.

Lately things have been really unstable in my life. I've been going through so much shit that I honestly don't know how I'd handle losing a part of me like that.

The last 3 days have been absolutely incredible though! 'The Mongs' have been together yet again! And if your a regular reader of my pointless and boring blog (sad life you have!!!!) then you'll know who the MONGS are! Met some people from our home land on Fathers Day as well, and its been such a giggle being around them. They all left this morning to move on with their journey, was a sad goodbye but we're both so excited for them to experience SA to the fullest and have an awesome time!!!!

I have FINALLY put my mind in doing what I want most!!! I have begun saving up for tickets to Rome!!! It is my dream to go there, once I go there, my life will be complete. As I bollucked up my solo 'England Adventure', I've decided to retry the travel thing ONE DAY once I have the cash saved up! Which may be a while considering my uncontrollable shopping urges! - though something tells me this trip may just be a little different <3

Have nothing much else to say!

Working the early morning shift tomorrow so I better boil the kettle, make a cup of tea and snuggle into bed.

Sweet dreams guys, enjoy your weekend!!!!

Little J

Just a catch up

I realize I have neglected my blog for over a month now, and I am out of practice on my writing, so don't expect this blatantly random entry to be very impressive.

My life has made quite a large turn.
The open door I could not find in April, found me. I was skimming through the Action Ads one day when I saw an amazing job opporunity to be a trainee manager and fitness promoter at Curves. I applied straight away, got an interview and shortly after, the owners rang me up and told me I got the job!
So things have been seriously busy lately.

The hours are tough, early starts and late finishes but its worth it. I can honestly say I love my job. I'm around women all day, and the majority of them are friendly and talkative once you get to know them.
I have great a great co-worker and an amazing manager and bosses'.

One other thing.
Lydon and I split up.
It wasn't entirely a mutual decision. I broke things off because the passion dissappeared. It became like best friends, which when I say to people, they tell me that is how it is supposed to be.
Yes, we were best friends for over two and a half years... but there was no passion anymore. I love that guy so much and he knows it. It is up to him, but I would still love it if we could be in each others lives and not throw away two and a half years.
Maybe one day in the future things will change. Maybe all we need is some time apart. Who knows.
It would be no fun if you knew what was going to happen in the future. So I am enjoying the mystery.

Things are changing and I have no clue what the future has in store for me. Its much better than living each day knowing what is going to take place and where I'll be.

As I write this I am quite hungover.
My co-worker, boss and I all went out for All You Can Eat Sushi last night, and my boss introduced my co-worker and I to an extremely potent and evil drink called Sake.
Blargh!!!!
Just thinking of it makes me shudder!

Up early, its only 6am and I'm already at work - I kinda like these early starts though. I don't waste a day in bed when I could be up early, watching the beautiful sunrises out of works windows while I train women in gym.

In other news. My grandpa is still holding on! Its a miracle really. He was so close to the end. His spleen burst the other day and he ended up back in hospital but he recovered fairly quickly. I still haven't gone to see him. I'm too scared. This is when I need a boyfriend to support me the most and give me advice. It makes me so confused because when my Grandpa Leonard passed away all I regretted was not spending more time with him because him and I were so alike. So I just know I'm going to regret not spending time with my Grandpa Jack. But the thought of seeing him so lifeless scares me..... I just need a guy to hold me close and tell me it will all be OK.

OFF the emo topics!!!!!

Umm.... OK I think that's actually pretty much everything that has happened since my last entry!
Someone's here for training so I best be off!

Enjoy your weekend bloggers!

Signing out,

Jade Wright

It Doesn't Rain... It Pours!!

I seemed to have the perfect life...

After Matric I traveled around England solo, coming back a few weeks later to a boyfriend and family with open arms. I landed a perfect job. The bank approved a loan so that my boyfriend and I could build a flat. I also began to make friends with a new group of people... Life was good.

Obviously something had to come along and ruin it.

Yesterday morning my boss informed me that he is bankrupt and that I need to start searching for other employment.

A part of me is wondering whether or not that is true... I have this feeling deep in my stomach and heart that they are too kind hearted to tell me that they would rather man the shop themselves.

They are new to Knysna and don't seem to understand that art work is not always popular! You could go WEEKS without selling a scrap of canvas in a town like this when the tourists aren't here!

Alas they will have to learn the hard way.

I feel helpless and scared... With no means of money coming in and no job opportunities in this small ghost town; I am petrified.

People are telling me to look at the bright side of things, that when one door closes, another opens. Yet I see no doors ajar. I see no light in the distance.

All I can make out is a murky future, barely visible through all the smog.

It doesn't rain... It pours!

Hard-Ass People

A lot of things have been going on in the last couple of days...

My Grandfather is in hospital once again, weaker than ever, the cancer is overtaking him and he's getting too tired to fight. His heart failed. The doctor says that he can die at any moment.

If I could go back in time, I'd go back to spend more time with my late grandfather, who died two years ago. I wouldn't have taken the time I had with him for granted... I can't change that.

My dad's father doesn't have long left, and I would love to spend some heart-aching quality time with him (no matter how much it hurts) but my dad won't let us.

My dad doesn't want us to see him now, while he's at his weakest, because he believes if his dad see's us all around his hospital bed, he'll realize we're saying our goodbyes; and have nothing left to fight for.

My heart goes out to every other soul in this world that has ever felt the way I do right now.. because it is torturous; and one of the most painful moments of my life - realizing that someone in my family is dying right now, is in agony right now, and there is nothing that I can do to help. I can only wait.......

The one thing that I need right now, that I couldn't ever ask anyone for, is for someone's arms to wrap around me safe and tight, and just let me cry.

I have never felt this weak. Its strange... because on the outside, I look like the strongest I've ever been, yet inside, I'm giving up hope.

- I guess if you think about all the hard-ass people in the world; sure they look strong and bold, but most of them are emotionally destroyed; like me.

So maybe I'm not so different.

Writers' Block

I haven’t written in such a long time – it pains me inside, as writing was once the one thing that saved my life, the one friend that I could rely on. Now it seems that I have turned my back to it, leaving it on the outskirts of my life. I guess I’m feeling euphoric these days, and have no need for its companionship anymore. It is not that I do not wish to write any longer, I would love to; but there has been no inspiration, no overly emotional experiences to set me off on one of my writing rampages. Even now – I find myself dissatisfied with this work, and the temptation to just highlight it all and press ‘backspace’ is so strong.

It’s almost as if I have been sleeping for decades and suddenly I get that vertiginous falling sensation and wake with a start... Realising how long it has actually been since I have set time aside for my life passion and dream. The writer’s block that I am suffering through right now, and have been for the last two or three years, is making future prospects seem dim. It isn’t often anymore that I can relish an evening in, pouring my heart and soul out onto pen and paper.

The feeling of overcoming this writers’ block and defeating its power is so sublime; I wish I was strong enough. Alas, it has built a wall around my interior, barricading off all inspiration that I once let in like the ocean current.

Writers’ block is the most frustrating and overpowering sensation that I have ever felt. I feel as though my life is not my own, as though it is not me behind the wheel. I feel caged in and destroyed; as though my hands are tightly tied behind my back and my mouth has been cello taped shut for eternity. It feels as though all hope is lost, as though the life has been sucked out of me and as though I am bone dry and lifeless on the inside. It feels as though my soul is dying.

Let me get over this writer’s block. Let me feel alive again. I beg of you.