These Winter Days

It is the last few weeks of winter and thank goodness for that. It has been so difficult to drag myself out of bed in the mornings when it is so cold and dark, but somehow I have managed to force myself.

This winter feels as though it has been shorter than I remember them; it feels like just yesterday I was living as a beach bum; surfing and tanning, a real free-spirit.

I wish I knew why my life always has to be so chaotic. Nothing can ever just be a small change… An example would be: I am either alone and miserable or in a fully committed 24/7 relationship; or I am either unemployed or completely loaded with work. There is never a time where I can just glide through things at an easy pace. I am either at stop street, waiting for the light to turn green, or I am going 160 km’s.

Speaking of relationships and work… I am happy to say that Shaun has finally started spending more time at my house as he adopted a second pitbull from Cape Town. This means that he doesn’t have to worry about his dog being lonely and sad anymore and we can do a lot of things that were limited to us beforehand.

Just last night he came to my place for a braai and we watched a horror movie called Untraceable in my bed. The movie was almost like the Saw sequels, but better; though I have to say that I am no longer enjoying horror movies as much as I used to now that my life is nearly all sunshine and flowers.

On the work front, so far my new job is going well. I am still in the learning process and am not learning everything as fast as I would like to or usually do though that being said I have never worked in the hospitality industry before so this is all very new for me.

I think I have just started bonding with the other girls at work too which is great… I tend to be very shy and withdrawn at first in front of new people but once I make that ‘bond’ with someone I’m completely different.

In other news, Lexi and Rachel came with my last week and held my hands while I got my fourth tattoo! I placed the design on the back of my neck, it is an African symbol and it means Learning From The Past. The design is a little bigger than I would have liked it but I’m stuck with it now and love it either way.

The money I spent on the tattoo was supposed to be to open up a gym membership account at Corpus Sana. Unfortunately it seems like my procrastination against the gym or any form of exercise for that matter is still creating an obstacle to get back into shape.

While I am on the topic of gyms and getting into shape, I have to say that I am going to be getting a tad ‘heavier’ now that I have started working at Belvidere Manor as they give me a delicious cooked lunch every day.

I say ‘heavier’ because people are starting to turn pretty nasty towards me whenever I complain about my recent body changes.

I have always been a late developer and only now I have started to get curves combined with a comfortable winter coat and I am not used to it!

I know that I am not fat and I am not saying that I am, I just wish SOMEONE could understand that these new curves and extra KG’s are very new to me and do bring me down a lot!

Everytime I feel down about the matter, I end up binging on fatty foods or anything that I can get my hands on e.g comfort foods. Then I feel even more miserable and disgusted in myself once I’ve devoured everything!

What to do? What to do?